Why Dogs Skid Their Butts Across Your Carpet (published - 7/13/08)

  • Seems a lot of people own a lot of dogs that have a lot of butt issues. I wondered just what it was about a dog that made them do the butt skid thing. Ever Google a "butt skid?" I'm here to tell ya, there's a lot of that going on these days. The answer seems to be either that the pup has worms or a problem with some sort of anal gland . One person said to take the dog to the vet and have the anal glands "expressed." I think he means to say "smashed with a hammer." Maybe not...
  • Now, it comes to me that when I was a deliriously happy little kid crawling around the house in a diaper that I must've done a butt skid or two. I mean ya got a toy in one hand, maybe a bottle in the other, you're too uncoordinated at that age to swap hands or just put something down. So, your butt itches and you do your first butt skid. I would imagine that butt skidding becomes another form of crawling or something similar. Anyway you would achieve this milestone before learning to walk. As we get older and more mature though, we just scratch our asses with our hands-sometimes in public.
  • People do get worms and we do have anal glands of sorts-hemmoroids. Hence, it must be ok to do butt skids at any age. I mean because dogs do. I've never had my hemmoroids smashed with a hammer at a docs' office though. I would never pay a doctor to do that when I could just get a friend to do it. Know what I mean? Well, seeing how a dog is configured, I suppose I can understand better why they do the butt skid-usually across the cleanest carpet in the house too. Just like we wouldn't reuse the same piece of toilet paper, I don't guess a dog will wipe his ass on dirty carpet.
  • Ever notice that when a dog does a skid that it closely resembles a gymnastics move? I think that it is in men's gymnastics...guess I could write about that next. It happens when the gymnast is on the parallel bars and he just raises both of his legs straight up above his head. He gets points for that too. I wonder if maybe his butt is really itching him. I don't think dogs do it for fun. I know they don't. I would slap my dog and say NO! He'd still skid. If he were doing it just for fun, I think that he'd do it where I couldn't scold him.
  • I suppose we shouldn't get too angry when our pet pooch does a butt skid on our really clean carpet. Look at it this way. Let's reverse roles here. Say you are the pet and your dog is the master. You must rely on your dog for all of your needs-everything. You know that your master may bite you if you do something wrong. You risk it anyway because you are really dumb and walk on all-fours. Ok, your ass itches. What do you do? Do you ask your master-the dog- to scratch your ass for you? Do you say, "Hey boss, my butt itches. Will you take me to the doctor?" Hell no...you do the old skidderoo right in front of him. Besides, remember, you can't speak. That just makes matters worse.
  • I never did guess that when I was in the middle ages of my life that a butt skid would be a central topic for me to write about...even spend any time on at all. I suppose it's just like my old dad used to say when I was a kid. He used to say, "You just think you know everything. Wait until you get older." Well dad, I don't know everything...especially when it comes to butt skids. I do know this, however, I'll never scold another pet dog for a butt skid as long as I can scratch my ass!-Just a thought or two-Don.

7 comments:

lancelmartin said...

Funny as hell. I'm subscribing.

Don said...

Thanks lance. Glad you enjoyed. D

What's Wrong With Me? said...

Man...I'd hate to have a problem with my anal glands... :O ...By the way-- I voted in your pole-- I almost voted that it's really $%$#@ and you suck, just to f%%@!@ with you, but I opted not to :) I'm too nice :)....

Don said...

Thanks for voting. It does kind of suck though.

The Hypocritical One said...

great post....even though I'm slightly queasy.

Warrior said...

Butt skidding/dragging is a sign of potential parasite infection. Take a fresh turd to the vet. You should be able to find out while you wait.

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