Boogers and Zits--A Dinner Story

  A few days back Damon @ Angry Clown posted a picture of a peasant looking dude with 6" inch long streams of snot hanging out of his nose. It was hilarious and gross at the same time...funny stuff. That got me thinking about grown people I've seen walking around with boogers, snot and big zits and seeming oblivious to the fact that they're a walking herpes and virus factory.
  Ya know the truth is that if I see someone, young or old, with a zit my first inclination is to pop it. Makes no difference whether I know them or not. It's like a pimple popping compulsion. I just wanna pop it! I may say something to them if I know them. Like, "Dude be still. I have to pop this zit on your eyelid." I even wish I had one that I could pop when I see some really sweet little whitehead hanging out on otherwise nice skin. No oozers though. Oozers are out of the question. Sometimes when I've mentioned to someone that they're zit looks like it's getting ready to go into meltdown mode, I say, "Man you gotta take care of that before it erupts all in your happy meal..." Then I'll like make a squeezing gesture and clinch my jaw like I'm popping it for them. Sheer jealously no doubt.
  Boogers? Hell who hasn't had boogers. If you breath then you've had boogers. That's not really the issue though. The issue is what you do with them. Obviously you can blow your nose. That's if you have something other than your shirt sleeve to blow it on. You can pick it all you like in private. Hell go diggin' for gold for all I care. Some people don't care and go diggin' in public. Or, and this is my personal favorite, you pick your nose, but do it in a manner that you think people are thinking your just scratching it. Yeah that's right. I'm just scratching here. It's like scratching your balls in public but trying to make it look like you're only you're rubbing your fingers against your leg because they itch or something--the fingers that is. Never eat it. That'll give you worms--or worse, you'll get a watermelon vine growing out of your nose! That's something else...
  After you've successfully picked, prodded and popped your shit, what do you do with all of that crap? Zits and boogers, I think, all too often end up on one's clothes. A really smart booger picker can toss it off his hand and nobody will know. Zits? Ok so now you've destroyed it and your face is bleeding, then what? I guess you wipe that shit on your clothes too huh? You could just wipe it on somebody elses clothes. It's not hard to do. Just pat them on the back and say, "How are you? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." -Have a nice dinner-Don.