Living With Robo Mouth

  Yesterday me and my roommate went out of town for the day. Unfortunately, it wasn't to have fun. For me it was really a waste of time. My roommate doesn't drive anymore so I took her to see a doc whose office is about 90 minutes north of our home. I've been to this city many times before. It's not a difficult drive at all, but it's an incredibly boring drive.

  She was supposed to catch a ride with her mom to this clinic, but her mom was scheduled to get a biopsy or some crap like that. Then she tried to get one of her sons to take her, but they couldn't (did not want to). Then her 89 year old aunt was her next draw (she was using a list I made for her). Well, her aunt asked her like four times who she was, so that sort of knocked her from the driver's list. I tried to see if a neighbor could drive her, but Lisa didn't want me to ask that lady because they don't know one another. Actually, I've never met that neighbor either, but the situation was getting desperate. Well, yours truly was the only dipshit left to drive so I got the call.

  For about a 45 minute stretch there is no clear radio signal and nothing but damn pine trees to look at. Nothing but my roomie that is. That's all I had to listen to too, and believe me that increased my boredom level exponentially. She is one of these incessant talkers. Constant, non-stop jabbering. Just small talk, and I hate that. Even though I was constantly telling her she was annoying me and to be quiet, it didn't matter.

  Once, well into the trip back home, I swerved abruptly to scare her and make her think I hit a dog. I thought that would keep her quiet. Actually it did for about 30 seconds before she said, "What kind of dog was it?" I said very politely, "What kind of fucking, stupid question is that? What goddamn difference does that make? Geez Christ!" Then she goes, "Well, I don't guess it does matter, but did you kill it?" "No. Those guts all over the front end of the car belong to the little child that was walking it." I stated plainly. She finally got the hint and shut up.

  I don't mind doing favors for her if I really have to-such as getting "stuck" so to speak. However, my reward for these monumental feats of kindness only seems to come when she's choking or sneezing. That's the only time I'm not listening to her run her mouth. She even talks in her sleep, and I sleep 2 doors down the hallway...I should just get a parrot. At least I can throw a towel over it's cage-Don.