I hate raking leaves and straw. In fact, I hate rakes! I don't mind mowing a sloped large lawn with a push mower. That's kinda fun actually and great exercise. But I can't stand the thought of raking a damn thing. We have to bag our leaves too, and that just makes it more of a pain in the ass. What's a fella to do I ask?I don't know why I have developed this great hatred of rakes and raking. There's just something about busting your ass gathering and then putting all of that crap in bags that pisses me off. One problem that I have with the whole raking scenario is knowing full fucking well that the moment you tie up that last huge bag then wham! You get hit by a strong gust of wind that makes all of your half ass efforts meaningless.
If I see a kid or two walking around the hood with rakes in hand then I'll get them to do the job this year. We both win. They pick up some legitimate bucks and I can sit on my ass. There's nothing like ass sitting when your yard is getting cleaned up by someone other than yourself. Sometimes these little junior homeless people even do a decent job. If they do a really good job then I'll give them something extra like a piece of stale cake.
Anyway, with the holidays quickly approaching, and thinking that any out of town guest that may come over really give a shit whether I've raked the lawn or not, I'll track down somebody to do the job. Anybody but me! I'll even invest in a new rake for the right person if they agree to come back once a month for 6 months and rake it for free. Ha! No such luck. All of my damn generosity and holiday cheerfulness for what? Heartaches...nothing but fucking heartaches! Damned leaves...straw. I'm gonna go drink some alcohol.-Don.
22 comments:
D...
Trust me, anyone that is coming to see you is just there for your warm embrace and southern charm. Besides, it will be quite some time before anyone who is even slightly overweight darkens your door, and the rest of your friends are too drunk to notice such details ;)
Ginger
My yard gets about a foot deep with leaves and we don't even have a damn tree. I feel your pain.
There's always fire!
I agree w/Dead Rooster - Fire!
Cut down the trees and concrete your yard, simple or plant trees that don't have leaves like sticks they look good and you don't have to water them! I prefer putting sticks in concrete its very vogue and everyone knows I'm a hip happening man thats on the edge of fashion...
Do ya own lawn ya lazy bugger!
Don, where I live we just light a match and let the whole damned 11 acres burn. Believe you me it is so much easier to roast weiners than rake a fucking yard
Huh. You are actually supposed to rake the leaves and bag them? We never do -- we just use the leaf blower to blow them into the street and our neighbors yard. Hell, we've got so many trees that we would never finish raking. Yes, much easier our way! :D
I'd like to suggest the fire technique, as well. Pull out a few lawn chairs and warm them tootsies by the blaze.
Donkeys man ...you need like six donkeys. Oh and a shovel. But there will be no more rakes.
Ah this post brought back some old memories of my bro and I walking the streets with rakes in hand in the fall, and snow shovels in the winter, just to make a few bucks for nonsense items like candy cigarettes.
As for you, you ain't raked nothing, until you have to deal with the droppings of a fruit tree, or a buckeye tree, so don't you complain about nuttin'! :)
Ginger: Ok you win...I don't know what, but you win. I'll figure something out for you later :)
Da Old Man: I know. Sounds like mine sometimes. Why is it that my stuff doesn't blow across the street?
Dead Rooster: I have actually done that a few times. Two fines later though. I just deal with it some other way.
dawn: thanks. see Dead Rooster's comment.
Damian (666): Good idea, and for the weeds I could stick an assortment of toothpicks in the yard too. That's it...those colored toothpicks! Thanks!
ettarose: Fire is the most fun, but I've already gotten in trouble over that to the tune of total of $345.
AngieSS: Yeah. I could go get a leaf blower and just blow that shit in the wooded lot next door. That's a thought.
Athena: Geez! A bunch of fucking pyros y'all are. I love it.
King of New York Hacks: Well, there are plenty of donkeys around here for sure...
Chica: No we don't have buckeyes, but I do have plenty of Magnolia tree pods and hickory "balls". I don't know what they're called. The magnolia pods are about the size of a small pear and one tree will drop hundreds...
Use a blower.
The easiest way is to use the lawn mower. That's what I do. It munches them up and the yard looks nice plus you get the benefit of the exercise.
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