No Cheese With This Ham--Only Threats!

  Here's the pic that started it all. Maybe you remember this kid and his huge hog kill. If not, well then you're at the right spot to be briefed. Last year in AL. this kid, Jamison Stone-age 11 at the time, went to a hunting reserve with his father, Mike, to hunt for game. In this case they were after big assed hogs. They paid $1500 for the hunt.

  The hunt was what some refer to as a "canned hunt." They are legal, at least in many states and foreign countries. The kid was legal. The gun was legal. Problem? The hog was, apparently, a former "pet" that was sold or donated to the reserve for a hunt--any hunt. Still legal...

  Now, almost a year later this family is receiving death threats, etc. About 800 morons so far have decided to jump on the band wagon calling for the heads, and hams I suppose, to roll. All legal...don't forget that small detail. A lady in New York City had taken it upon herself to basically let the world know that the hunt was criminal because the hog didn't die for 3 hours after being shot. Her name is Rhonda Roland Shearer. Uh-oh. She goes by three names. Already that's a bad sign of aggressive behavior (i.e. bitch). When a guy gets dubbed with three names, it means he's a serial killer. Methinks lesser of the former. I digressed... I'm not sure if she is behind this latest "cause" to circulate these petitions or not. The last article that I have seen posted by her concerning this event was in May '08.

  The father, Mike, has stood behind his son the entire year of negative publicity and now death threats. Erroneous articles have been written as well as misstatements concerning the hunt. Screw the damned pig. How do you think this kid is feeling? A little guilty maybe? Oh, I don't know - are we maybe a little hard on the kid? Ya know? And all because R.S.S. in N.Y.C. (et al) decided it would be a good "cause" to let the world know how compassionate she is - again. Now, do you think this lady has the least bit of experience shooting a gun or going on a hunt? Probably as much experience as this 11 year old has for calling her a bitch even though those three names are a real problem.

  The whole idea that this pig or feral hog or boar - choose your own label - was a family pet is a stretch at best. The hog was raised on a farm with other feral hogs. It has an attitude but wasn't considered a real threat. I'm sure the kid didn't know the history here. Nor should he have had a need to. The real issue is this slow bleeding of a cutlet. Questions have been asked as to why one of the men armed with a hunting rifle could or would not make the fatal one shot kill to drop the animal. These people who were not part of the hunt want the dad and maybe others prosecuted for cruelty. I knew a girl that hunted boar on horseback in the Delta (Ms.). I went with her one weekend on a hunt. Now this particular hunt was not a "canned" hunt. I had only run into one wild hog before that weekend. That one weighed about 250 pounds. They are not something to be toyed with. They'll rip you or your dogs apart, but damned they're good to eat! I did ask her for the tallest and heaviest horse she owned. She shot a hog. The hog was shot in the middle of the forehead and dazed. I took the second shot. It hit about the left ear. Finally, after the third shot, one to the rib cage, the hog hit the ground dead. We were using rifles. My point is that it took 3 rifle shots at close range to take down a pissed off pig weighing about 300 pounds. How many shots would you think that it would take to drop a half ton porker? You are using a .50 caliber (very large) handgun too. Perhaps they could have taken a kill shot, but if the hog had turned to run then that would not have been possible...

  All else aside, the hunters said they followed or chased the animal for about 3 hours before finding it dead. It bled out. This was no pet. A pet pig is Arnold on "Green Acres." This was a huge feral hog that could have chewed your ass to pieces given the right chance and the right - or wrong - mood. I choose not to hunt anymore. The only real reason was that I simply didn't enjoy preparing or eating the game that I took home. I enjoyed the hunt more than the kill, and I just didn't want to waste good meat. My choice not to hunt has nothing more to do with compassion and "caring" than 11-year old Jamison Stone's choice has to do with being a heartless and cruel killer. It just ain't so!

  Perhaps the day was meant to be a day a kid wanted to spend time with his father doing something they both enjoy--a father hunting with his son. See, that's one of the ways a father and a son spend time together in the South. I would know a little something about that. I believe it's called "quality time." It's a damned shame that people who know no more about hunting or feral hogs or a father and son trying to have a good time together have to try and inject their sense of  "what is moral" onto two people they don't know or a damned pig they couldn't care less about. Oh hell though, it's all for a cause. Damned right! Theirs...whatever it is. So now, you want to really threaten someone? Threaten me...but leave the kid alone.-That's just the way I see it-Don.

Cool Little Optical Illusion--Not A Scare Screen.

Sexy Optical Illusion - Watch more free videos

Ryan Seacrest Attacked--Shark Nips Toe!

  Ryan Seacrest was attacked by a sand shark, according to a witness, while swimming at the LG Villa in Cabo. He had waded out in the ocean about 8ft. when the voracious predator struck. Seacrest says the shark looked like a stick. In another report he claimed it looked like a cat. Wow, that's good to know. Now we'll know what to look for next time we go to the beach. I don't know much about sharks so I googled "sand shark" because I do know they do not look like a stick or a cat. Anyway, they (sand sharks) apparently don't swim along the West coast but stay mostly along the Atlantic coast in the New England area. Maybe it really was a stick or a cat.

  Seacrest, being the man he is, immediately ran from the ocean and first aid was promptly administered in the form of an Advil. Luckily, the shark only nipped a toe and Seacrest did not require two Advils and a toe tourniquet. No word yet on whether or not he crapped in his Speedo. Simon Cowell was no where near to make fun of the American Idol host though. Surely, he'll never know. The beach patrol issued a warning about the shark and a reward is being offered for information leading to its' capture and conviction for the assault on R.C.'s pinkie. Perhaps the cops should just post signs along that stretch of beach warning swimmers about sharks, sticks and cats. That should just about cover it all.-My observation only-Don.

Barack Wins Euro Vote. Media Can't Figure Out Where They Went Wrong.

  While it appears that Obama is still holding a slim lead in the latest polling, he apparently has lost some steam for now. Although he handily won the European vote by a large margin over his rival, Sen. John "Napalm" McCain, his effort to expand his lead in Germany has hit a wall...even though he thought it was gone. Even with the medias' intense efforts to help B.O. maintain a strong lead in the polls via a beautiful and heartfelt ceremony laying palm leaves before his every step, his pace has slowed considerably, and the two are as close as ever.

  John McCain on the other hand has said that no matter what the polls say, he believes B.O. to be the better of the two candidates and that he will vote for Obama. In keeping with "Napalms'" kinder, gentler campaign, he states that while he and Obama have some fundamental disagreements, he generally agrees with everything he has said. McCain also issued repeated warnings to some of his key staff to be nice to staffers on the other side because "we don't want to make them angry for nothing."

  If you believe Sen. McCain is a war hero for getting his ass flamed by a SAM in Nam, then what does that make Obama? He's a hero too. He's been to Iraq, Afghanistan (I think), Chicago and lived awhile in Hawaii. Anyone who has to deal with the daily stresses that B.O. did before becoming a senator would have succumbed to some kind of extreme emotional distress by now. Not Barack! What a man! He's for change. McCain simply wants to be sweet and play nicely.

  The national media is a bit perplexed by these polls being so close--I think. Hell, they spent a ton of money to promote Barack while he did a little globe trotting. They turned the entire trip into nothing but an Obama rally and campaign commercial. It only worked for a short time though. I guess campaigning for the president of the U.S. in Europe doesn't make much sense to people that can actually throw a vote his way when it counts. What's next on B.O.'s schedule? He'll probably hold a "get out the vote" rally in Zimbabwe and Somalia. There he discusses how his white mother was really 75% black afterall, and John McCain will continually refuse to go on the attack because he wants to be seen not as divisive but as a peaceful brute who truly cares what Obama has to say. Yeah right...-Don.

Classic Pink Floyd-Typical PF Style Video-Dramatic

Those Crazy Water Tower Woes.

I like progress. I just don't like it in my 'backyard'. This fine piece of engineering is constructed across a highway from my house. It belongs to one of the local hospitals, and is a response to Katrina that devastated this area.

  I understand the entire concept of the water tower for the hospital. Certainly you need to maintain water pressure and storage if possible. But at the end of my driveway? I'm like Ted Kennedy in that I don't want it there anymore than uncle Teddy wanted windmills to spoil his view of the ocean from their compound in Hyannis Port - he wanted wind power - but not there. Hell, he promptly squashed any efforts to see that plan through. Had I had a chance to "flex my muscle" I would have opted to let it go. It sure sucks looking at that tower. Cell phone towers are worse in my opinion. They have no style, no class, no real design efforts are put into those. I don't need much water pressure though. I do need a cell phone in order to survive. The powers that be could have built a cell tower instead. Could you imagine my reception? Hell, I'd be bouncing all over the place.                                                                                                                                                        

  The medical center in the western part of town has a water tower too. Theirs is located in a commercial area. Nobody cares if you're walking out of a Burger King or mall and see a water tower. You might say to yourself, "Now there's a great spot for a water tower." I have a wooded lot on one side of my house, a backyard neighbor who has a really nicely landscaped lawn to look at, and the other houses in the immediate area are nice. Now I have a water tower as a neighbor too. I guess worse things could have been built there in the name of progress. Maybe like a television tower that had some cell phone panels attached and a large orange windsock on top to see which way the wind is blowing. Apparently, holding up a finger doesn't work anymore.

  Oh well, I'll get used to it one day like I do everything else in this world. But damn! A friggin' water tower for Christs' sake? I just hope that I don't begin to suffer from post traumatic tower disorder. Life goes on and so does progress. That's why it's called progress, and that's fine with me-Only my opinion-Don.

John, John, John--What Were You Thinking?

•   Oh boy, here we go again. How sweet is this? Man, these idiots and morons that can preach to us or tell us how virtuous they are (at $2500 per plate) deserve all of the attention they get. The paparazzi is just out there waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting, self absorbed politician when lo' and behold, they nab 'em. The trap shuts and clamps down. Now the feeding frenzy begins. This is great!
•   The latest 'prey' is Sen. John Edwards. Remember him, again? Remember how he so bravely stood by his wife while she confirmed she was battling cancer? Remember how he portrayed himself as the stoic and extremely devoted spouse of a wife in crisis? Dumb, lying, hypocritical piece of rat gut! What's with these guys anyway? Don't they realize they'll get caught eventually? Guess not. The tramp babe is a former campaign worker of his named Rielle Hunter. Supposedly, the two have managed to even get in a bit more hot water. There are rumors they have a kid together - the yet to be named 'love child'. Wow Johnny, can't be said you still don't have it. Gotta a feeling you're about to lose it though.
•   When this sort of thing happens to some pious and pompous politician it really makes my day. I happen to have very little faith in any of them to begin with. This just makes it easier to justify my personal dislike for them and their arrogance. These Bozos are too many to name. So, brother John I say to you that no matter what a bogus bastard you are, you still have nice hair...You'll lose the trust of your family, but not the hold on your hair. Smile Johnny. Life as you've known it is about to change.-Have a nice day moron-Don. 
  

Show Me The Money!

•   Some people wear an armful of brightly colored rubber bracelets. Others, a nifty little ribbon signifying a special cause. Have you ever seen all of the bumper stickers announcing charitable causes, or a license plate that signifies the drivers' opinion about abortion or supporting some really stupid idea like "Save the Kiwi Birds--It's Never Too Late!" I'm sick and tired of being asked to "show my support" for some cause that interest me about as much as knowing how long toenails grow overnight. Maybe it's just me being me...who knows? Not me.
•   I do know that I have no "causes" that justify feeling as though I must wear a reminder to myself that I care or a reminder to others that I care. Get it? I honestly believe that at least half of the people that wear, let's say a ribbon for example, are attempting to ward off guilt or wanting others to see that they are true, caring and compassionate people. Even if it did cost them a couple of bucks to become such a friggin' humanitarian. Those damned magnetic "ribbons" that adorned so many cars were abundant the first couple of years of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Remember those? Now, most of the ones I saw simply had printed on them "Support Our Troops." Ok. Where does this five bucks go that I'm willing, albeit reluctantly, to spend? How much of that money actually benefited the troops, and how much of it benefited some money grubbing charity honchos that only lined their pockets with our hard earned money at the expense of those for which the donations were intended?
•   I can sum this whole mess up in just two words. Girl Scouts. Damned right! Now there's a charitable group that I can support. You don't get a rubber bracelet or piece of ribbon or some stupid bumper sticker from them. Hell no. You get, you know, the real deal--cookies, cookies and more cookies. See I don't mind giving a few bucks for that cause. That's instant gratification. I like instant gratification almost as much as I like Girl Scout cookies. The girls don't even have to ask me for a "donation." I see them and the wallet goes into auto mode. It slips out and opens wide. "Get it all," it says. "Go ahead man. It's Girl Scout cookies, dude." So, perhaps at the end of the day I'm broke and my wallet is empty, but my stomach is full. Thin Mints anyone?-Don.
  

Kick Back & Chill...

Teacher Calls It As She Sees It...Ouch!

•   A Spring Valley, Ca. teenager says she was humiliated when a teacher apparently called her ugly in front of classmates and booted the girl from class with a kick in the ass. Of course the kid and her family are suing the school district (not certain about the teach) for several grand - 75 of 'em. Maybe it's just me, but I'd personally like to see a picture of this girl. Maybe she is ugly as hell. The kid also says that the teacher called her a 'brat.' Well, in this case let's just go for the friggin' death penalty if Calipornia still has one. 
•   Maybe the girl is a 'brat.' A lot of 14 year olds are. Are they not? Whether she is ugly or not or even a little brat is only an opinion. One that the teacher should have kept to herself. What a damned moron! Dumbass! Anyhow, seems that the whole thing is really about whether this kids' - shit, here we go again - self esteem was damaged. Was the ugly little brat humiliated or not? If she was then she needs to really get over it in a big way 'cause if she thinks that hurts, wait until she has to leave home and the "protection" of her parents. Mommy and daddy, or just mommy - whatever, need not to make such a big deal out of this in my opinion. The only thing I see wrong with the entire incident is that the stupid teacher opened her mouth to begin with. Damn, keep that crap to yourself. True or not.
•   As for the swift kick to the butt, that's another matter. I guess that would be considered an assault of some degree. Maybe that's where a criminal charge can be filed and then the prosecutors could seek life in prison without possibility of parole...that's it. Problem solved! No more teacher.
•   If all goes well, this family will be 75 thousand bucks richer. The school district will have been taught a valuable lesson...hire a better lawyer. The teacher will have lost any hope that she made have had of becoming a psychologist. The classmates of the kid that was "humiliated" will file a class action suit against anybody involved. They'll claim that their life is now in tatters because of the brutality they witnessed in the classroom that day. And somewhere, strutting down the hallways of the school will be this ugly, bratty little 14 year old girl with a look of satisfaction on her face.-Don.
  

The Movie Was Good,..the Oysters Were Better.

•   A friend called me and asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her today. I accepted on the condition I buy dinner afterwards. Ok, we're on for the day. Now, the difficult part. Which movie to see? We had both seen Dark Knight so that made things a little difficult. That would have normally been the choice-no doubt. Well, we check out what was playing. There were about 12 different movies playing to choose from. I was checking out only two. 'Kung Fu Panda' with the voice of Angelina Jolie and 'Wanted' with the voice and body of Angelina Jolie. That was it...'Wanted.' Morgan Freeman was in it too. So, it was really a no-brainer.
  
•   Actually, it was really very good. Lots of action. Manly action. Not girly crap! Hell no! I'm talking real studs in action. Even Mr. Brad Jolies' friend girl was kick ass. Great choice of flicks. 'Chelle really seemed to have a good time too-that's all that mattered anyway. 
•    Now. Where in hell to eat. Michelle is extremely easy to please, but I wasn't about to take her to anything with a friggin' drive-thru. Know what I mean? If you have a date-no matter how well you know or don't know this person-don't be so damned stupid as to take them to a Taco Bell or something...I settled on a place here in town called Wintzells' Oyster House. I've been there a couple or so times and the oysters are good. No matter how you get them. We get there about 6:30 I guess. They're busy, but we get seated quickly. I immediately sit on hairbrush. After pulling it from my ass and giving it to the girl waiting the table, we get the menus. Then the fun begins. I wait and see how long it takes Michelle to back out of ordering oysters...about 45 seconds. I ordered my oysters. She gets some kind of fish dish I think. We chow down. Mine was great. I never asked her how hers' was. All I cared about was the fact that these babies of mine were worth the money. They were.
•   We leave having seen a worthwhile movie and eating a good meal. It's only about 7:15 I guess at this point. I thought we'd swing by this place called The Mahogany or just "Hog". This is a quiet place to chill and kill a few drinks. By quiet I mean music isn't playing. Guys don't come in with cowboy hats while dragging girls by their "poofy" hair. No belt buckles the size of hubcaps are allowed and guys nor gals can wear any foot apparel made from Egyptian mongoose scrotum skin or any other exotic crap. When we left I thought maybe that I had turned my 2nd drink up a little too fast. Things were beginning to "swim" around a little bit in my gut. This is not a good thing to happen when you've 1) just consumed a couple of mixed drinks, and 2) just consumed a plate full of oysters...not good at all. I made it to the restroom just in time. My best guess is that one drink came up followed by about a third of my really good oysters. They were much better the first time-I'll guarantee!
•   I let 'Chelle do the driving on the way to the house. I wanted to be able to barf out of the window without killing a pedestrian or worse yet, hit a dog. We made it almost to her house when I suddenly felt great with one exception- I was hungry again. No shit. I contemplated grabbing a quick bite to eat.
•   Michelle and myself saw 'Wanted'. We ate dinner. She had fish. I had oysters. We had a couple of drinks. I puked. She drove. I got hungry. She takes me through the drive-thru at Taco Bell. No shit and have a great night.-Don.
  

Why My State Is First--Again.

• Wow, man I'm proud of the Magnolia State once again! Seems that we have been "chosen" as the state in the country that can proclaim -"Fat Ass Capitol of America." A title that I'm sure took thousands of trips through fast food drive-thrus and just as many, if not more trips, to the all-you-can-friggin'-eat buffets for Christs' sake! Way to show 'em Mississippi. Hell, I always knew that you could get to the top of this list too even though you had much more of a load to carry. Congratulations. Hail to the men and women who make this state so widely respected, and so wide, because of such culinary delights as massive bowls of grits loaded with butter. Biscuits upon biscuits and more biscuits stuffed to the max with such delicate and savory meats as pork sausage, bacon and ham. Load that with an egg and some cheese too. Slices of bread abound, but not to make a simple sandwich. Oh hell no...to use as a sponge to soak up every friggin' drop of grease and fat and lard and any other crap that may have drooled from your fat faces.
• To all of you who drive 'round and 'round a parking lot until you can find that one parking spot that is at least 3 steps closer to the store and the Crisco aisle, and it's usually a "handicapped" spot, I salute you. Ya ever notice those people that do that? It's almost a certainty that they are: either old and have difficulty walking or their asses are as wide as a normal parking spot so they need the "handicapped" spots because of the extra wide spaces they provide.
• One of the moronic politicians in our capitol, (also the states' and I believe the country's murder capitol for '07- I'm not googling this though) Jackson, attempted to have a law written that made restaurants responsible for not serving fat asses, or obese if you're one of them. I believe this was done tongue-in-cheek, but it still speaks to the nature of fat assity, or obesity, in Mississippi. Thanks to a bunch of fat, swollen and sweaty politicians though, it never passed. Hell, most of these people in the state house would have been excluded from restaurants had they passed this bill anyway.
• Please, if you are overweight, don't tell me how good you feel or that your blood pressure is fine. If you are doing so well with your obesity, then why the hell do you breath so hard when you tie your shoes? Why is your face so red and sweaty in 50 degree weather? You haven't done a damned thing but washed the dirty dishes from the meal you just devoured, yet you waddle around the house complaining about your knees hurting. You feel good though, and that's the important thing. Right moron?
• A "normal" (generally healthy) person loses weight in one simple manner. They burn more calories than they consume. That's it. No excuses and no other reason. Exercise is vital to anyone and can supplement burning calories. It just makes weight loss that much easier and enjoyable. If''n ya gonna say that you wuz raised dat way o' my mamma and paw, they had no money for gooder food, then you may as well proclaim that you're just a born fat ass, always have been and always will be...a natural born fat ass. I guess that's the way obese people do things--the easy way.
• I'm not going to write some sort of remorseful sounding paragraph now. I will not be your cheerleader. Mississippi and its' people work harder than any other state in this republic just to survive, yet we'll lay down for a super sized meal anytime. One day though - we may not get up.-Just an opinion-Don.
  

Urinating In The Yard--An Observation.

• More than 3 million Chinese drink their own urine according to Xinhua news... In an endeavor to enhance my understanding of drinking one's piss, I "studied" the subject diligently. After discovering that urine is about 95% water and the rest is just nitrogen based waste, I came to the conclusion that I could water some plants with it instead of drinking it. In other words, just piss outside when I'm working in the yard.
• I chose to piss - herein called urinate or whizz - on some neat looking red and yellow flowers I had never seen before. They were really cool looking so I took a couple of pictures of them before I whizzed on 'em - just in case... I'm glad that I did. They didn't make it through my experiment. So, I went back and read more about the chemical makeup of urine. I don't get it. How could this possibly kill an otherwise hearty plant? It essentially looks like a harmless, very diluted chemical fertilizer. I wouldn't drink it though. That may explain why Chinese are referred to as "yellow" people.
• The next time I was working in the yard, it was really hot. I had been drinking plenty of water. Well, when I had to whizz I chose an ivy type of vine alongside the house as my target. The urine was water white. Hallelujah! I realized the initial problem was I simply had been drinking too many Cokes and not enough water. This time it had to be harmless to my subject - the vine. Four days later the vine was in really poor condition. Five days later the vine was dead. Six days later I went back to drinking alot of Coca-Cola. Now I'm getting pissed. I want to know why urine kills!
• I found in my urine studies that crayfish (they're really called crawfish and they're good) will whizz at one another in a fight. Apparently, the urine makes the other crawfish back up. Yeah, no shit. That would make me back up too if some dude pissed on me. I didn't have to read something to know that. I just can't figure out why urine kills flowers. Crap doesn't. It makes stuff greener and healthier. I want to focus on urine though. Lets us figure this out together.
• I'm beginning to think that it's not so much a piss problem as it may be a delicate flower issue. I mean that there may be some really piss proof plants propagating profusely and prominently at profound points on the planet. I can't go around the world whizzing on everyone's friggin' flowers though. Know what I mean? So, I'm thinking that maybe I could sneak to my neighbors house - he's usually gone somewhere, like work - I could urinate in one of his potted plants. After a few days, I would check on the plant and examine its' health. If his plant is still healthy, then I would have to come to the conclusion that I either have weak flowers or my soil and urine don't mix well. If his plant seems to be suffering from pee poisoning, then I may have to deduce that I must begin using the toilet or either kill all of my flowers. That's a tough choice too. I like flowers as much as the next person, but when you gotta go...
• I'm not sure what my options are at this point. I've whizzed so much in an effort to better understand the "kill factor" of my urine that another attempt at whizzing for water may be deemed futile at best. I think for now though, I'll just be content with what I have, and right now that's a cold Coke. -Don.
  

Goldberg - 1 ; Hasselbeck - 0...And I'm Going To Puke.

• Ok children listen up will you? Let's go through this one more time. If'n ya black then you can say 'niggah' and show da love. If'n ya a whitey and say the same word then ya must be for the resurrection of Strom Thurman and the banning of all forms of The Blues from Beale Street to Biloxi. That's my take on what went down on The View friday twixt Whoopi Goldberg and Little Miss Sunshine Hasselbeck. The entire conversation was really about principal. Oh brother, principal... Poor little Elisabeth Hasselbeck, was slammed on fridays' The View (view here). She was pretty much manhandled by "Whoopi The Beast". I thought that Goldberg was dead on personally with her assessment of Jesse Jackson's use of the 'N' word in talking about Barack "the 'N'" Obama the other day. Hasselbeck deserved the pounding in my opinion, for being so thin skinned about the entire issue. So what for Christs' sake?! Grow the hell up Lis and add a layer of 'tough' to those bones of yours.
  
• All of these "feel good" moments seem to bring out the emotions at the drop of a hat. Hell, most of them are coming from people who think it's cool and brave and so loving to cry like a bunch of spoiled little brats when things are different than what they expect them to be. My experience has been that these are the morons that cry the loudest and the mostest. Toughen up people. When someone whines to me or certainly is feeling sorry for themselves, "Mr. Compassion", that's me, comes to their rescue by injecting such meaningful and succint phrases like, "get the hell over it" or "deal with it."
• So damn many of us are acting like little toddlers who missed their nappy time at the daycare. Political correctness is a gigantic pile of horse manure. Except horse manure has more value. Come on. Let's grow up. You want to? Can you handle it? I know a lady that I always thought was very self righteous. A hypocrite is a good word. She told me a story about something that had happened to her. It goes something like this. She said that she woke up in the middle of the night to find some dude standing at the foot of her bed. Ok, she screams and yells and the boogey man leaves instantly. Actually, I think the guy just got a good look at her ugly ass. Anyway, she tells me about the cops coming and all of that crap. I asked her if she had given a description of this guy to a cop. Her exact response, and I quote, "No, I don't see color." WTF?! I'm colorblind. I thought at first she was, and I couldn't understand what the hell she was telling me. She meant that in her eyes all people look the same. Holy shit! What a moron! Political correctness taken to an extreme. One thing I did happen to mention to her was the fact that giving the dudes' race to the cops would have narrowed down their search for him immensely. Bozo. She was proud of herself though for being so stupidly "open-minded." Goldberg had to remind Hasselbeck that people were different. Hasselbeck just couldn't seem to understand that concept either-being different.
• I get to the point that I could puke when people seem to think that acting in such a demeaning, patronizing or condescending manner is cool. I know that y'all are smart enough to understand though. See, don't ya hate that crap? I guess Hasselbecks' whimpering and whining was an attempt to show compassion towards poor dumb stupid bastards like me though. What an arrogant and self-serving bitch Lis seems to be. Whoopi gets the nod on this one. Good for her...Enough. I'm getting sick just thinking about this. Think I'll go puke...-Just bitchin'-Don
  

Prostitute Barbie Hits the Streets.

•   "Barbie the Dominatrix" has made it to mass market. I want one...maybe two. Man, I used to think nothing of Barbie when my sister had a couple in the sixties. I had my airplanes and plastic soldiers. She had a pink bedroom and a doll that was so thin her ass looked like two hickory nuts on a hoe handle. My oh my, the times they are a changin'.  
•   The new "Street Walking Barbie" babe has caused some angst among churchgoers and religious groups. I really do think that they may have a legitimate bitch though. I mean, why was this "style" chosen for Barb? Mattel simply says that's it's a ripoff - I mean takeoff - of the "Black Canary" heroine of comic book fame. Yeah, may be for sure. At this juncture in my life, I don't give a flying rats' ass one way or the other. It's free market and legal babe. Besides, she (it) looks damned hot!
•   I think that bitching about the t.v. lineups and summer shows is far more credible than people complaining about a babe...Hell, do you know that TruTv has 10-year-old reruns of "Cops" still on? What a friggin' disgrace to humanity. It's not a classic, yet - not like The Andy Griffith Show. Now there's a real man's show for ya. Ah, to be a stud like Barney. Wow! I'll bet he would've appreciated Bitchin' Barbie. Hell, he has class...
•   How about the time that Coca-Cola came out with the "New Coke?" Remember that crap? Geez, I mean you could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon with the taste! You want to complain about something? What a mass mess that was - for the Coke dealer. Leave Barbie alone. Something else...notice how bars of bath soap have become gradually smaller and smaller? Huh, have you noticed that? What about a damned "pound" of coffee or a "pound" of bacon? I believe that the standard is now 13.5 oz. and 12oz. respectively. Yeah, don't gripe about Barbie.
•   Another thing...next time your in a toy store check out the stuff sitting next to my babe "The Barb." What the hell is it? Is it a fat ass Cabbage Patch doll? Talk about disgusting. Damn! My daughter had one and she was the right age to enjoy it. Her brother "hung" it from the attic stair pull-down rope. I thought it was appropriate at the time and still do. A ton of bucks was made off of that ugly, obese and pathetic rag. So if you're one of the ones complaining about "Barbie the Ho'", leave her alone please. 
•   Hey, do you ever need to put a little air in your tires? What about paying for air? Now that's a legitimate gripe! Just know where you're going to go pay for the air before driving around. You'll waste valuable gas in the process. Don't smile as your putting air in your tire that you just paid for either. Two reasons come to mind: 1) It's not socially acceptable to smile when you're really pissed off and 2) you will look like a simpleton. 
•   Piss and moan about something that's a real problem if you must, but not about a doll. You may live longer. At least long enough to see Ken in a thong and nipple rings. Then you may start your own religion and gripe all you want.- Just a few gripes-Don
  

Chinese and Mexican...All American Cuisine.

•   I really never wondered why Chinese don't eat at Chinese restaurants any more than Hispanics eat at a Taco Bell. After dining, if you call it that, at either a Chinese buffet or a Mexican kitchen, it's obvious. Hell, there's more fat in that crap than fat at a meeting of Weight Watchers. Not that the food is really that bad-just dangerous to ingest. It would not be such a bad idea to take a bottle of professional strength drain cleaner with you. Drink it after you eat at a restaurant serving that type of food...for the arteries...an after meal cleansing. 
•   I've eaten a few meals from south of the border. They were cooked by a former roommate of mine who was a Chilean. Believe me, it ain't Taco Bell! The first meal that I remember him cooking was one that he said his family ate frequently in S.A. It was rice with slices of avocado on top. Laid on top of that was some browned chicken pieces and tomatoes and about a pound of salt. That's it. The entire meal laying on top of a pile of Uncle Ben's rice and looking like the Swiss Alps due to all of the salt! The last meal he cooked for me consisted mainly of a little pig that just the night before was squealing endlessly in our bathtub. Dried peas and rice were used as stuffing. The pig was used as something in which to cook the stuffing. And again, lo and behold, more avocados. Did I mention a pound or so of salt? Not a drop of sour cream in the house! No hot sauce or grated cheese within sight! Oh, he weighed about 130lbs. then. Me? I came in at about 220...still. I lived with that guy for about a year and a half and not one stinking burrito came through the front door.
•   Chinese is basically the same story. I was good friends with a Korean lady and her family. Yeah, I know Korean and Chinese are not the same. Ok. I get it! Where I'm from if you live north of Memphis you're a Yankee...so get over it. Back to the story--Anyway Kim (I'll call her that because that's her name) asked me over for lunch one day, Sure, I thought certainly it'll be maybe hamburgers or some real American style of food. After all, she'd been living here since the 50's. This occurred in the late 70's so there was plenty of American "in her" by now. I walked down to Kim's house with a lot of anticipation-I knew she could cook well. The entire lunch consisted of one small plastic bowl. Inside of this bowl was my food. A pile of bean sprouts and a lousy hard boiled egg on top as if it had just been  laid there by a damned hen! That was it! Hell, at least she could have invited me over after the egg had hatched. That way I would've had something I recognized. An egg on bean sprouts only made me want the crab meat won tons and twice fried pork even more.
•   Well the Chinese, Koreans too, must be a healthier, more fit bunch of people than we in the West. Even many Latin countries seem to eat healthier. Hell, once we "Americanize" their food, throw healthy eating out of the window. For years, my idea of Italian food was a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli. Now that I'm grown though I realize I was wrong. Now I know what Italian cuisine is all about. Pizza and beer! Hell yeah! Bring on the pepperoni and the drain cleaner baby!-Just a simple observation-Don.

My Dearest Google, What Hast Thou Done?

• Father Google seems to be in a bit of warm water these days. It may get a little hotter before things cool down a bit too. Google is being accused of suspending about 7 blog sites for being anti-Obama. The big G's claim, however, is that their spam filters recognized these sites as spammers. Wow, politics and Google don't mix! At least they'd better not if Google knows what's the least bit good for it.
• How funny is this? Not too damned funny for authors of the frozen sites. Google has since reactivated all of the sites in question. It's a little late for them now. Seems they re-opened for business on Wordpress. Nice to know that there are other more apparently "open" alternatives available for the apparently soon-to-be exiles among us. To me it seems that the whole mess was an innocent-albeit stupid-mistake.
• I believe Google is saying that those sites used a tag or tags that raised the spam alert flag for those sites. After a "thorough investigation" it was revealed (?) that the entire fiasco was just a little boo-boo. Oops! What the hell...I suppose we all can get shutdown for a week or more because of a little software "glitch." Problem here is, this was no glitch. The filters apparently worked as intended. Piss. Who's next, huh? I wonder if this would have happened had the sites been something other than what they were-- a forum to state ones' opinion. Guess any us of can be out of luck on any given day unless Google gets their act together!-Just my opinion-Don.

Easier Said...

Well, seems that brother Murphy stepped in it again. His most recent attempt at some form of even mildly funny entertainment has bombed big time. His latest fiasco, "Meet Dave", cost about 55M to 60M to make. It's opening weekend earned an estimated 5.3M bucks. Look to see it out real soon on dvd or maybe even VHS. Yeah, VHS...why not?

Before Dave there was the Pluto Nash character. What a God awful pile of crap that was! It supposedly cost around 90million to make and made a terrible 4.4million bucks its entire run.

An executive for 20th Century Fox explained the lousy opening of "Meet Dave" for all of us who are simply too stupid to know that it just sucked. He said, "It was a tough concept to get across." What he really meant-in my humble opinion-is that basically the American public is too damned stupid to understand the deep, meaningful and complex nature of this marvelous and socially valuable piece of art...He then went on to say, "It's very upsetting for all of us and for Eddie. He's very funny in this. Just not enough people came." Duh. Again, we're just to dumb to get it. Hell, Murph is great in this! Let's load up and go see this piece of shit!

Murphy has seemed to develop quite an attitude from his past more humbler experiences. I guess most of these people have to some extent. All ya gotta do Murph is get back to the Axel Foley days man. Remember? The successful kid from SNL too? That attitude man. It's about that attitude! Easier said...huh?-Just my opinion though-Don

...And The Answer Is?

Got Nuts?

• I guess you heard that Jesse "Juke n' Jive" Jackson stepped in it again--the pile of shit that seems embedded in his head I mean. Seems the reverend doesn't believe that Barack Obama (herein known as B.O.), cuts the mustard as a black dude. Saying to another black in waiting that B.O. talked down to blacks then commenting that he'd like to cut his nuts off, stirred up quite a shit pot. Jackson apparently thinks that bro' B.O. should join him in condoning government handouts to minorities. Hell, he does moron!
• Al Sharpton and Jackson both ran for the White House throne--remember? Neither made it to the convention as a threat. They simply played the part of the Big Dems' little lap dog. So, I suppose this is really asking too damned much when I say, " Can't we all just get along?" Wait...that was Rodney King's line. Who wants to get along with people that claim to be preachers, reverends, pastors, etc. when all they can do is blather and whine about events so far in the past that they can't move into the future. They preach hate, preach whitey made me stupid and poor and a criminal. They preach that the government owes us because we are black and my great-grandmother's daughter's cousin twice removed and from Ethiopia once cooked for a white guy from Scotland on his farm in Virginia. And then the likes of "Juke n' Jive" Jackson comes right out -sort of - and says he wants to cut the nuts off of B.O. Wow...ok. Hell, you snatch 'em and I'll catch 'em.
• Truth is, Jackson and Sharpton and others like them will escape the nut cutters' knife. So will B.O. The perennial media "go-to" guys will get a thumbs up to continue their double dealing ways. All will be forgiven between Obama's camp and Jackson's group of big-mouthed, small minded dimwits. Without a "civil rights movement" in tow, those like Jackson have no means of support. Nothing to grab the attention that they need to get your money. It'll only stop the day he dies, and then a little "Juke n' Jive" homey will move to the front (i.e. butt in line). Just be careful if you are nearby when he steps up. He may be carrying a very sharp knife and asking, "Got Nuts?"-just my opinion-Don
  

Cindy Brady and the Bulls...

• I read where Cindy Brady (aka Susan Olsen) got hammered in Denver the night before doing a radio interview on a popular show. She took one of her kids along for the ride too. Damn, that kid must've been really impressed with the way mom doled out belches and burps and I'm sure an occasional fart or two. At least that was always my experience. So anyway, C.B. (aka S.O.) was telling her listening audience that some dude named Chris got her wasted. Boy if that's not the way to throw a pal "under the bus" I don't know what is. She kept warning these two dj's that she had to go puke. Finally, she gets off her ass and disappears for a few. It's great stuff. Excuse me. Gotta fart.
  
• Ok, it's that time of year when those silly little Spaniards piss off a bunch of bulls to the point the bulls chase these morons down a back alley--they call 'em streets. 13 local wahoos got hurt during the first run. I understand that this was the smaller of about 2 or 3 more to come. What can we in the U.S. equate to "the running of the bulls"? The closet thing in my area I can think of would be a Mardi Gras parade in Uptown N.O. There's definitely room there for injury. Only it's not the floats or krewe that chases the people.
  
• If you've never been to one or two, ya gotta check it out, and it is not byob! Also, dodging cars in the Wal-Mart parking lot on Saturday presents a real challenge with all of the potential for danger as a 1000 lbs. of pure beef chasing your ass can offer. At least your spared the goring, but you didn't ask for any of the havoc that you encounter either. Should you manage to make it into the store then you're faced with another challenge. Perhaps running from pissed off bulls would be easier... But you have to stay ahead of the shoppers and their buggies. Ever had the back of your heel clipped by the buggy bitch? It gets your attention! Most of the time your damned shoe will come off, and while your bent over putting it back on another buggy 'rounds the corner only to hit you in the ass. Shit. I'm just going to Spain.-Just my thoughts and an opinion or two.-Don

Google Your Children

• Hot Flash-What kind of money do the 19,000 or so employees of Google make? Enough to pay over $1,400/month for day care for their infants. Shit! Google says it's going to have to raise the cost of day care for its employees kids to about $2500/month. Now, who the hell can afford that kind of money for day care. At least, what working class stiff? Employees stashing a couple of kids in the Googler day care system will pay about 56k-maybe even more annually.
• These mommies and daddies are very upset. Upset? Damn, how could they even afford the "lower" cost before the price increase? Just lose the damned kids, stash the savings, and head for Bali...Aren't other day care options available like, hmmm, let's see-public maybe? Or what about some nice little lady who's been in the biz of raising someone else's kids for, oh I don't know, 25 years? Come on for Christs' sake. Get over it, ok?
• Google always did have a tendency to be quite arrogant. I guess now that their stock has fallen they decide it best to raise the price of their kid care instead of looking at maybe other ways of handling a loss. Maybe cut back or eliminate some of the other perks available. But then, the employees would bitch about that too. Can't tell me alot of jobs couldn't be axed off the payroll. But please parents, just shut the f**k up 'bout the damn cost of your friggin' child care will ya?
• Google needs to stick with googling. Parents need to just figure out another way of dumping the kids--maybe like don't have them if you can't afford them. Boy, now that would be a real challenge. Bottom line-if you can afford the original cost of Googles' day care facility, then you can certainly afford the cost of an alternative. Oh sure, it'd be inconvenient not to have your kid in the playroom down the hall. Tough! Get the hell over it. Go work at Wal-Mart. Their employees seem to find somewhere to put their little kids, and you can bet your Google it ain't costing them $1400 a month!-Just an opinion-Don

Founding Fathers Got It Right

Wow, today is the Fourth of July, and just in time for the weekend. Don't ya love it when a plan comes together? Just think a minute now. 232 years ago (that's almost 2.4 centuries) some really rebellious guys were hammering away at a declaration for their independence. They did it too. Who could've imagined that this far into the future that this celebration would have come in time for the weekend! 3 days of it mind you...

There's time to cookout, make the July 4 sales at the malls and even think about Saturday. Personally, I'm a little confused as to how the framers of the declaration figured out about the holiday sales. But, as right as rain, they did. Nice going guys. Hell, ya might even be able to catch something at your local IMAX. Don't forget that this time wouldn't be available were it not for the 3 day weekend.

Man, all the time to consume ice cold beer, watch a little baseball and tennis too if you've a mind too. Pretty much anything goes. Swimming, skiing and hitting the beach. All thanks to a bunch of crusty old farmers, slave owners and gun toting-bible reading zealots...ya really gotta dig it.

I'll bet that all of you have things planned as I do. Ain't it great to be an American? It could be worse ya know. Even though we had to partially rely on the French for our victory in the revolution, we may have lost and then had to ask them for help against the Nazis instead of the other way around--twice! No Vietnam either. Just think of it, England could have done all of our fighting for us...how great would that have been?

Yep, when you're chowin' down on ribs and slaw and beans and beer today, just think about those old men who had nothing on their minds, but one day to establish a roadmap to freedom from the clutches of tyranny. Thanks men and cheers. Catch y'all later.-Don

A Dinner Story

• I went to a friends house last night. A group of us will generally get together at his place Monday nights for dinner. We went through Katrina together as neighbors in an apartment complex. We don't live there anymore, but still manage to do this little 'Breakfast Club' thing. Last night we had a pretty large group--12, I think. Usually, we have about 7 or 8 over. Anyway, it was as good as usual. Actually, a couple of weeks ago we had very undercooked kidney beans disguised as part of red beans and rice. Never had crunchy red beans and rice before...
• Some of these people that come over are just "friends-of-a-friend". Although I'm sort of getting to know most, I think that last night was a little different. First of all, a co-worker of the guy that has us over tends to ask some of her girlfriends to come with her on a regular basis. She's trying to play matchmaker and having my buddy meet these girls. He does the smart thing though. He will say, "hello." Yeah, that's about it. After that he will go outside or act like he's busy with the food. They seem nice enough but shy. That's a good thing when there are about six girls in the same room-the shyness...anyway, he's not interested in them, but then he complains that he wants a girlfriend. I'm like, why? Except that they can probably cook beans.
• This new guy comes over too. Remember the "friend-of-a-friend" thing, right? Ok. This dude named Matt comes truckin' through the door carrying a black cylindrical case of some sort. I'm really kinda wrapped up by this time with some Japanese game show however. Well, Matt unzips this case and pulls out one of those cue sticks that comes in about three pieces. I hesitated to call it a professional cue stick only because the two or so guys that I know that use them suck at pool--I guess they call it billiards. Well Matt seemed nice enough, but he sucked too. After all was said and done, the group of us had some locally grown watermelon-really sweet stuff. Today, I read that watermelon has an effect on guys like Viagra does. So far, it's been a wonderful day.-Don

Don't Choke on the Ribs

John Stuart Mill wrote, "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."To those who have given us reason to celebrate--I salute you...To those of you who only whine day in and day out about how you are being mistreated by society in general, shut the f**k up! Get over it, and don't choke on the ribs.-Don --Oh yeah, Happy 4th...everybody. image:www.eclecticink.com