It's the delivery guy! Hell, I'm not too damn excited at the idea of some of these people that make it to my door handling my food. Have they been checked out by the health department? Do they have anger issues and spit on your damn pizza?
I heard that a girl was actually fired from a joint for smearing feces on a pizza that was to be delivered to a sorority house that was a rival of her's. Now I have a problem with that shit! Not the sorority house. I like those, but shit and sausage don't mix well nor work my appetite into a fucking frenzy.
I know that most of these people wouldn't do such crap...I'm almost convinced. Yet they make no money to speak of. They have gas expenses to cover, and too often they're to deliver a crappy pizza to a really dangerous part of town. Hell, no thank you. I would have some serious anger issues too, and more than likely I would take it out on your fucking pizza. Move over anchovies here comes the pubic hairs!
I hope that the next time some stranger brings food to your front door that you enjoy the hell out of it...don't think that perhaps this person could be deranged or have a thing about hot food triggering a masturbation fit. You wonder why sometimes they're late? Hmmm, maybe they pulled over for a few moments. You know...to pick their nose or something! Happy eating friends-Don.
42 comments:
Well thank you! Pizza night Monday is off now. Now I have to come up with something to cook.
Thanks for nauseating me. In return, I have a badge for you over at my place.
The Old Man had some charms made out of feces a couple of posts ago on his site. Maybe if one made the pie with some of those rather than just plain jane poo. I would respect getting some pepperoni with an elephant feces doll on it. It would show that you put some effort into the prank. It will all come out anyways when I am sharting it out later but hey I will be losing weight as well though. Tada!
I like to ignore the fact that someone would ever do that to my pizza, ya see I'm very kind and respectful to those who serve my food, simply because of the points you've made in your post. :)
Well thanks for this little ray of sunshine. Bwahahahahaha. You are right about one thing though...shit and sausage don't go well together. Bwahahahahaha. You are so delightfully sick.
So, this ends my calls for delivery of food. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. :)
I once had a pizza delivered by some dimwit who had the box tucked upright under his arm. Upon seeing this, I berated him for his foolishness. He had no idea what I was so upset about until I told him to open the box. That's when he found a weird mound of what had once been my pizza lumped in one corner of the soggy box.
This is exactly why I just go pick mine up! And I'm never, ever, ugly to the employees when I know they are preparing my food. It has always made me sick to my stomach to know what other people are willing to do to someone out of anger. *shuddering* I just make sure I'm never in that position --- I hope. ;)
Darn you...I eat in ignorance, and never want to know what sick and horrid act took place with/on my food.
I know someone who has a thing for doing nasty stuff to people's food...and NO it's not me!
Jen: Try Chinese...no, that's too easy to disguise as real food!
Ann's Rants: Thanks. Sorry, hope that you didn't barf though. I'll be right over.
The Self-Deprechaun: Yeah, I saw those posts over there. Good idea too. Maybe I can get a delivery guy to work something up for me. You know. Something simple!
Chica: Well then I hope that they know you are kind before they head your way. There's nothing nastier than a nose picking, ass scratching, zit faced punk with fresh food to play with. Especially when it's not his.
Sandee (Comedy +): Oh, don't let it get you down. For your next pizza dine in. Just stay away from the salad bar. No telling what they slip into the raisins!
freetheunicorns: What a fucking moron! That's what I mean...
AngieSS: You know that KFC that you like so much? Well...
Matt: Me too, but I don't let it bother me. I've eaten dog food before so what's a little extra topping on a pizza, huh?
Thinkinfyou: Do you go to their house to eat? I'll bet you do!
I've heard it said from people that work @ restaurants that if they knew what went on in the kitchen half America's Commercial Loans would go into default. Which is why I shouldn't say anything about this so as not to make the situation worse..
I'm with Angie: I pick up my own! (and my own beer!)
"but shit and sausage don't mix well"
I take it you've never given it to a girl up the poop shoot, huh?
Well crap. I've always had a problem with eating out at restaurants, especially when I see the "cooks" gathered around the dumpster, depositing assorted bags of shit before returning to finger my steak and potato. But I never thought of the pizza guy!
Thanks for this public service announcement.
I worked as a pizza guy for a little while, and was much less spiteful than average, apparently. Of course, I was lucky because my boss never made me deliver pizzas to the bad parts of town ("bad" as defined by him. I had no idea there were so many bad parts of town before I started working there).
Anyway, I never spat, pooped, flipped, smooshed, or intentionally messed with anyone's order. I guess I'm just a nice guy like that.
Kevin John: I generally pick mine up to. That is if I eat at at all...
Mike: Uhhh...well, I'm afraid that you've got me there. I'll just let that one "slide."
dana wyzard: If I went to restaurants where I saw the cooks dumping stuff in the dumpster and then come back and touch my food, the pizza guy would be a welcome sight.
Da Old Man: You're quite welcome Joe. Anything I can do to help. I am to PSA's as Mister Rodgers was to the neighborhood.
Stanley!: Apparently, you're a pizza pie slice above the average pizza pusher. Thanks for the comfort. I know that they are out there, but I just don't know if I'm getting them. The good ones that is...
I have always wanted to deliver pizza in my own car and pay for my own insurance so my "employer" wouldn't have to buy his own delivery trucks. But lately the dream is fading.
Damn. I didn't think those green things on my last pizza were broccoli.
Relax Max: Man, I know. Sucks doesn't it? There's always newspaper delivery though.
Deb: Broccoli on a pizza? Ya didn't happen to notice if your delivery person was sneezing did you?
So what's the big damn deal? *Snerk*
You should post blogs like this one every day, you'd help all us girls out with our diets. ;-)
Ooooh, but what about those who WANT weird bodily fluids on their pizzas and are sorely disappointed if they don't find any??
What should society do with those weirdos?? :)
Don, what the hell are you bitching about? You did not pay for extras and you got them. Do not look at it, just eat it. Just never ever send food back in a restaurant. Then you would not want the extras. They're usually not only boogers but three day old boogers.
Me-Me King: God, gross huh? What's under all of that cheese?
Angi: Well, I do whatever I can to help ya know. I'm that way.
The Offended Blogger: Yeah. The kid got hepatitis from a dirty public toilet and squeezing his zits and handling your pizza too.
ettarose: yes ma! I'll keep that in mind. I just shy away from fast food period. Delivery or not. That shit's bad for you and very expensive!
Wow. Thanks for that. I wasn't paranoid enough.
John J Savo: Hahaha...Ain't it da truth?
Holy hell man this kind of stuff is why I will drive away from a drive-thru if the attendant sounds like he/she is having a bad day. Even if I have already placed my order the first sine of disgruntled employee is my queue to punch the gas and leave.
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