I almost feel like not going, but I've already confirmed the appointment so I'm pretty much stuck with it. Besides, I was originally scheduled to do this last September so I think it's time. Every time that I go see him his nurse always ask to see the meds I'm on...I'm not on any fucking meds dammit! Look at my records for Christ's sake! Then the doc strolls in with a fucking merry, "Good morning" that was obviously strained. Only I look less friggin' happy to be there than he does.
Then the routine crap happens. Doc ask, "You been having any problems?" To which I always reply, "Who the fuck hasn't? Have you been following the news lately?" Seriously, I don't want to find that I've got some rare, incurable disease associated with a monkey or something, but I sure as hell do get bored with it all. I'll bet that if Wal*Mart offered a physical I would be a lot more entertained there than at my doctor's clinic. I would not mind a Chinese doctor...
Imagine giving a gift card for a mammogram or prostate gland exam. Damn, I would go for that. I see nothing wrong with it at all. I have to fight traffic and an overcrowded parking lot at the clinic just like at Wal*Mart. So what's the problem? Maybe I could even get my hair cut and eyes examined while waiting to get drilled. Shit...guess I'll head on over in a few hours and see how doc's Christmas went. Maybe if I can distract him long enough, he'll forget all about my prostate and leave it alone until next time.
27 comments:
Wal-Mart and Rectal exams don't mix,Don!!
What Thinkinfyou said. Bwahahahahaha. That's just plain scary.
Have a terrific day. :)
I believe Wal-Mart offers self-checkup.
I worked at Wal*mart for 3 years before i realized i was in a continual rectal exam. Scary shit...
I have this theory that doctors should pay us if we are ill, not the other way around. That's their job right?
Thinkinfyou: I got news for ya! Nothing mixes with a rectal exam!!!
Sandee (Comedy +): Yah...unless your name is Doctor Proctor that is. Lol!
Me-Me King: Good point, and with an express (ouch) lane too.
Orion: Hahaha! Another good point. I can understand that shit easily.
Mulled Vine: Well, fortunately I would not be paid much. Wait, no. Unfortunately...oh hell. Ok.
I think I'm due for a prostate check up in about 10 years (my first one).
With my luck, it'll be some big black guy with huge ham fingers instead of girlie fingered chinese guy.
Mike: Maybe by then guys will have extra long fingers from too much masturbation and can then give themselves the exam.
Good ole rectal exams. They help with everything from checking on internal bleeding, to finding out your verbal score on the SATs, to helping fix your asthma. Rectal exams! Hold your ankles and let her rip. Oh wait..that's prison dream. Sorry.
Oh, for heaven's sake. You guys and your prostate exams. Wusses. Us girls have to go the gynecologist for the grand opening every year so we can pay some Bozo can use ice cold tongs and a flashlight to get up close and personal, all while whistling Billy Squier's "In the Dark".
The Self-Deprechaun: Oh hell yep. They'll even cure tonsillitis if the doc can get deep enough.
Deb: I understand dear, but at least inserting something there is natural!
I agree.. I mean hell the Super Wal Marts do everything else. The only problem is I would be afraid they would be short on doctors and "borrow" a mechanic from automotive. I shudder to think where he would put that dipstick!
Prostate exams and cucumbers in the same post?
I am concerned.
Stare at the cucumbers? You are a sick puppy. You think a finger up the hershey highway is bad. Try spreading for old glory and having your appendix tickled by an old man!
It sounds like maybe you should be on some meds though after this post. ;) I guess it's a good thing you have a sense of humor.
dizzblnd: I know. That's something we would have to suffer with. I guess a little lube while you're at it wouldn't be such a bad idea though.
Da Old Man: I know. Kinda like pickles and ice cream, but it's not a craving I've ever had.
ettarose: Hahaha! What do you do? You sit around thinking of analogies for crap? Hershey highway...consider that one stolen by me.
Unfinished Rambler: It's just my homophobia kicks in when a guys finger is shoved up my ass. Natural reaction to perceived perversion.
I hope there's a little foreplay prior to the action.
That's a great idea. Then you could get your prescription filled right there!
freetheunicorns: Nope. At least I don't think so.
Kirsten: Right. Think of all of the gas you could save. It's truly a one stop shop!
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