And now a day in the life of your average snot nosed summer campers.
Okay ya bunch of little snots listen up! Today is the best day at camp you'll have. Today I will teach all of you kids some survival tips using your wit and common sense.
Artie, you and Hermie get your hands off of Sally's butt! Now! Okay Artie since you're the wise guy here, what is this in my hand? Huh? You all had better learn this one first of all.
This is poison ivy... bad stuff. Learn what this looks like. Know the smell of it. Here Joey take a look and pass it on down. Next, snake bites! Nobody likes a snake bite, but they're going to happen. Artie, get your hand out of your pants!
In case of snake bite don't listen to the old wives tales or pay attention to movies. Don't cut the bite and suck out blood. Don't put a tourniquet on or elevate the bite. All you need to do is pour a little whiskey on it. I know you guys don't have whiskey, but I happen to have just a little so try not to get bitten.
Food is easy to come by here. Because of the lakes and streams bullfrogs are plentiful. You sharpen a stick to make a gig to stick the frog. Once you catch it you simply skin the legs after cutting them off. Then you cook 'em. Mmm, just like chicken. The leftover frog can be used to hone your soccer skills.
Last is the most important, and that is shelter from the elements. All you need to do is create a simple little "lean-to." That's enough protection for the short term. Just lean some branches against a tree and throw your clothes on top of that. All of your clothes Sally... Dammit Artie!
If you snots have any questions then let's hear them now. No? Y'all have it all in your little pea brains, huh? Good then. Let's get moving because I want to see just how well you kids listen. Remember, wit and common sense-that's all. Artie!!! Get out of my whiskey!!!
20 comments:
I don't know if I could survive your type of camp!LOL!
Thank you for doing a perfect job!
i ate a bug. i am a survivor.
WARNING: TOO much sun while cross country cycling may cause hallucinations and incomprehensible rambling.
Camp ala boot camp... I like it
thinkinfyou: Thank you for asking. It was fun. Those kid's names are kids I actually grew up with, and Artie was the worst!
Nooter: Congratulations. Now you can go fetch a frog for us. Just no snakes. I don't like wasting good whiskey.
Sheila Sultani: Sorry you had trouble with the way it was written. I wrote it on the elementary level in the hopes that all could understand it.
Winky Twinky: Yeah. I went to one of those when I was thirteen. Two months at St. John's in Wisconsin. Actually, I enjoyed it for the most part. Even setting other campers cabins on fire wasn't a big deal. It was a "manly" camp...
I like how you passed the poison ivy around, but not the whiskey. Good choice to keep the adult beverages for the adult in the group.
As I recall the most important part of survival at summer camp had nothing to do with the snot-nosed little buggers but everything to do with ensuring the counselors made it to the end of the summer!
I don't think I could survive Artie. You perhaps, Artie no way. Bwahahahahahaha.
Have a terrific day. :)
unfinishedrambler: Yeah!!! Somebody picked up on the poison ivy thing! Get it? I was wondering if anybody would comment on passing it around. Congratulations!
nonamedufus: I was a counselor at "retarded" camp. That's what it was called in the sixties. It was for mentally handicapped kids. They were a joy to work and play with. Not like the Artie's of the world.
Sandee: Artie once put ink in the teacher's chair and it worked. He was kicked out of school for a couple of days, and I was told his parents bought the teach a new dress.
Who says the snake is going to bite me first? Human bites are full of bacteria so that snake had better watch out for me.
You and Noname make me feel eternally grateful that we were too poor for my parents to send me off to Summer Camp.
I don't feel like I missed out at all.
kathcom: Show those pearly white fangs again!
Quirkyloon: Hahaha! Thanks! I've been and it's certainly a trip!
PETA's going to have your ass for this one Don. (And those PETA people scare me more than snakes.)
Marsha: PETA peeps are a preposterous bunch of wackos!
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