Personally, I think we should tax turds too. Yep, that's what I said. A turd tax to help pay for the cost of rising water and sewer bills. I'm suggesting that a penny per inch of turd length be taxed. Tax rate to be determined by the same guy that reads your water meter.A picture of all of your turds must be submitted to the IRS annually along with a written, sworn statement that those are indeed your turds in the pictures and are of the lengths stated. Turdballs are taxed by the pound as they cannot be measured in inches.
People with a colonoscopy bag would get a substantial tax break, and leakage will not be penalized. What could be a more fair way of levying a tax? People can stop drinking soft drinks, but nobody can stop taking a crap. How simple is that, huh?
Constipation would be taxed at a higher rate and diarrhea at a lower rate. This is so easy that I don't understand why somebody hasn't thought of it earlier. What better way to help raise bowel awareness and butt etiquette than a turd tax to help pay for such a campaign, and what better people to initiate such a tax than the shitheads in Washington?
23 comments:
Appropriate as they are "taxing the sh*t out of us"!
Buggys: Exactly my point! Thanks...
Bwahahahahahaha. You are brilliant Don. This would solve tons of money issues. Bwhahahahahaha. I love the way your mind works. Okay, it's a bit sad too, but I choose to look on the bright side of this. Well this morning anyway.
Have a terrific day. :)
Entertaining post because I certainly never would have thought of a turd tax, however I think constipated people should be taxed a lower rate than people with diarrhea.
How about farters? Maybe the government should PAY them. I stand to make a huge windfall, uh...metaphorically speaking.
I was curious about diarrhea when I read this. What rate would runny poo cost me anyway? I mean, I'd probably save a lot of money on Pepto Bismal AND my poo bill, right?!
Why am I writing this??! I have sunk to a new low. Thanks, Don.
I initially saw a flaw in this plan because the world already has tons of people who are full of shit. Now if it were to be taxed they would refrain from exercising certain bodily functions therefore making them more full of shit. I was pleased to see that those with constipation would be taxed at a higher rate.
Does this mean all the "turds" in congress will have to pay taxes on their height in inches too?
Sandee: My school teachers said the same thing about my mind. That they'd look on the bright side. :(
Jude: Well, there's a reason for higher taxes on constipated ones. They are slow to deliver the goods so...
nonamedufus:Actually, there was some talk of cow farts and the negative impact they had on the environment. Like breathing I suppose. Some scientist were to work on a method of reducing the methane in the farts by manipulating the stomach I believe. So, a fart tax may be right around the corner.
Lin: I'm glad to have helped you into the gutter and cesspools of humor. You're welcome. Diarrhea would cost less in taxes because there's just soooo much of it available. Constipation on the other hand would have to be dragged out of a person-an additional tax is necessary to cover that expense. Simple.
Ann: Absolutely constipation incurs a higher tax for the reason you mentioned. There would theoretically be more of it but more difficult to get.
ettarose: Damned good question! I'll have to look into the possibilities of adding a tax per inch of height for congressional reps and staffers. Anyone shorter than 5'1" pays half of the normal rate. Anyone over 6' must pay an additional surcharge of 12% per inch over 72".
This looks like a golden opportunity for my human litter box idea to finally take off.
renalfailure: Hell, go for it, and I'll even cut you slack on the turd tax.
I'd like to give you entrecard credits for free to keep your blog going.
Drop a line on my site.
I will launder my turds via the Mob.
-The Mob, and a lot of Clorox.
Anonymous: I'm one of these ignorant little Mississippi boys that believe nothing is free. Even the air I breathe comes at cost. Just me...no thanks.
LOBO: Oh no! Now I'll have to create the Turd Tax Security Service to help combat cheaters and those who would shit on the rules. Dammit!
Whatever you do Don, don't give Obama any more ideas!!! He just might try to do just that! Just imagine how he could say "Look at all the jobs I've created (for all the illegal aliens who are already here and the millions more to come)! Just look at all the tax dollars I've raised! Bow down to me and worship me as your master!" Please Don, no more ideas!!!!
Tattoo Jim: Good point Jim. However, think of all of the people that would be put to work counting turds and shoveling turds and making the turd shovels to shovel the turds with, etc. I see where this is going. You're right...no shit!
I have a better idea..I think that we should send an equal portion of our turds based on the actual percentage of income taxes to we pay to Washington..-For example paying a 25% tax rate would require an individual to send twenty five percent of their turds to Washington...
Where are they going to store them?
There are plenty of assholes in Washington to put them in..
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