I went to elementary school with a midget. He was a bully and always picking on the smaller kids. He could have pushed my buttons had he been able to reach them. The little cockroach tried to compensate for his size, or lack thereof, by pretending to be a bad ass. He'd walk around school all day with this dumb looking retard scowl on his lopsided face.I'm reminded of him because while I was out running errands the other day I ran into pack of midget activists polling people on how they felt about dwarfs. First off, one of the little ones asked that I not refer to them as midgets but dwarfs. Okay Dopey. What the hell? Japanese or Korean, midgets or dwarfs... What's the difference?
The survey was for graduate studies they were completing. Really, the chalkboards are that low now, huh? Anyway, I told them about this pipsqueak
"Nobody liked him only because of his stature? Just because he was small?", one asked. Even a midget will try to put words in your mouth. I told her that his size had nothing to do with why kids didn't like him. I explained that he was an ass because he couldn't deal with looking like a Munchkin.
The midget activists gathered around me. They seemed to be waiting for an onslaught of personal attacks and insults. "Do they know me?," I wondered. One of the "little people" females smiled at me a lot. I told her that I liked petite women. Where's a thesaurus when you need one?
So, I signed something, and told them a joke. None laughed except the one that kept smiling at me. Guess it was over their heads or something. Anyway, I don't know what happened to the midget prick in school, but I think that I had just met his kids. It was an interesting moment in Oz.
31 comments:
Man, two of the three big fights I had in Jr High were these runty guys demanding to fight me. They even told dozens of other kids to come watch it happen! I remember in one case, I just threw, like, a 'feeler' punch to see how hard it was going to be to connect, and pop I got lucky -his nose started bleeding and he came totally unglued in tears instantly.
His parents tried to call the cops on me, too ... but there were so many witnesses (thanks to him), the cops would've let me press charges.
The whole school knew too -and he hadda go with his black eyes as reminders. Within a week he went from semi-popular to the Jr High equivalent of Golem, cowering from merciless playground teasing.
The kid's name was Ian now that I think about it -so he had it coming for years if you think about it. Then we coulda teamed up and beat his parents' asses for naming him Ian.
Yeah, those little guys can be some angry, angry people.
You really want to piss a midget off, call him a little Napolean. Make sure to wear a cup, though.
Give us a break.
It's cold down here.
LOBO: Isn't Golem like a Jewish equivalent of moron? I'm not sure, but if I'm right, I would know a lot of them. Including the fighting midgets of the playground.
Doctor Faustroll: I don't really care if I piss one off or not. As long as they keep their pudgy little lips to themselves I don't give a damn about them.
moooooo35: Okay, so you're a little short. You are not a midget or dwarf. I don't think.
You should have tried harder to be a role model for them. They looked up to you. (This is coming from someone who never achieved full adult height.)
I wish I'd have been there watching this happen. I need a good laugh now and then. Just saying. I do agree though, some of those little guys have a chip on their shoulder that won't quit. Knock that baby off and they cower in the corner somewhere. Serves them right. As for the chick? Whatever. Okay, I'll watch that too. Bwahahahahahah.
Have a terrific day Don. :)
I happen to love little people,they make me feel better about my height.
I don't remember any midgets in my school. But, what I do remember is a trip to Mexico...a bar...and wagering. The sport? Dwarf tossing.
I once thought I was kicking a football, but it turned out to be a midget bent over to tie his shoe.
Shoulda seen the sucker fly.
I want to live in your world for one day. It's way too interesting and diverse.
Joel Klebanoff: Ha. Actually, what they were doing was admirable I thought, but I couldn't resist a jab or two at the very serious ones.
Sandee: I get shitty looks of resentment all of the time from shorties. Hell, I'm not the one with the problem! Don't look at me you know?!
Anyone go to the Midget Cup in Melbourne last weekend? It's listed by Reuters on the Yahoo site as the most tasteless idea of the week.
Personally, watching a bunch of zombie priests scarf down a plateful of eurcharists, along with the altar boys, just doesn't compare, does it?
thinkinfyou: If I remember correctly you are about 5'2". Correct? Perfect!!!
Me-Me King: See, now that to me is the degrading aspect of the whole short thing. Not whether dwarfs bother me or not. Hell, I'm no threat to them. Unless they don't move when I tell them to.
Mike: Hmmm, do they fly as good as toads? Now they really can fly with a good pop to the ass. They usually don't recover though.
Buggys: Okay. Glad to have you here. It can be interesting and entertaining for certain.
Dwarfs are funny.
dam now I'm going to have that song "follow the yellow brick road" stuck in my head all night long
Just invite the little smiley one to meet you at the "all you can eat" buffet, Don... this could lead to something really interesting to write about... and pictures, please Don... lots of pictures!!!
MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings: Frankly, I think they are too. Especially Mini-Me.
Ann: Don't forget Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Sing one for the Wicked Witch of the West!
Tattoo Jim: Nah. No can do. Like I said I like petite, but ...
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE... UGH!
Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!' ... ALL NIGHT LONG.
In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed!"
nonamedufus: Hahahaha!!!! That's great! I'm adding that one to my repertoire of jokes. Thanks.
You would have had a field day when they held the little people convention in Reno when I lived there. Every time I turned around I was lifting a leg to let them get through, very good exercise.
Jude: That's another thing. I think long shapely legs on a woman are sexy... Kind of narrows my search for hot midget bitches.
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Great line about the joke going over their heads!
I've always been fascinated by midgets. Four years ago - my girlfriend (now wife) insisted we get married. I reluctantly agreed, but only if we could have midgets at the wedding reception.
We hired a whole troupe of them - they helped out with the waitstaff, poured champagne, we even had two of them wearing a little tux and a wee wedding dress come out the doors when the DJ introduced us.
It was great - as we no doubt offended lots of people who gave us cheap gifts. To do this day - people remember us as the couple who had midgets at the wedding. Guess the idea went over their heads.
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