I wrote a post over a year ago centered around a very serious and common problem. Butt skids-canine butt skids specifically. It was brought to my attention again that one of the chief causes of a dog doing butts skids is it's anal glands.
A local radio station has a one hour weekly show with a veterinarian as co-host. Callers call the doc and ask their pet questions, er...questions about their pets. Tuesday morning a lady called the station and asked the vet why her cocker spaniel constantly rubbed his ass across her carpet.
The vet asked her if she ever noticed the dog's anal glands being swollen. I don't know about you, but under no circumstances am I going to analyze a dog's anus. The vet said that she could take it to her veterinarian, and he could check it's anal glands if she didn't want to do that. Shit...seriously?
He went on to tell her that all the vet would do if they are inflamed is to "express" them. You mean like Federal Express? I was like, "express them to who?" Where the hell would you send your dogs anal glands, and why would you want to get them there in a hurry?
I did about 10 seconds of research into the word "express". There it was in black and white. "To squeeze or press out, as juice from an orange." Huh? Who the hell wants orange juice now?! I'll never be able to look at Anita Bryant again without thinking of anal glands. Thanks doc...!
As Anita once proclaimed, "A day without orange juice is a day without sunshine-and anal glands".
2 hours ago
15 comments:
If you're ever around when they actually 'express' them, you will honestly think you see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse coming.
The Fourth one is named, "Stenchy," I believe.
Worst. Smell. Ever.
Moooooog35: Gross! I think I would just drop Fluffy or Spike off and pick 'em up later. After their express lube or whatever.
Well that certainly puts a whole new spin on the song by Charles Wright..."Express Yourself"....
You don’t ever need help from nobody else. All you got to do now: Express Yourself!
What ever you do, do it good.
What ever you do, do it good. All right...
It’s not what you look like, when you’re doin´ what you’re doin´.
It’s what you’re doin´ when you’re doin´ what you look like you’re doin´!
ba_hutch: Sounds like Charles Wright already new the "true" meaning of "express". Bet there's a vet in his family, or a dog with swollen anal glands.
You used anal glands and Anita Bryant in the same sentence. Appropriate.
What Moooooog35 said. Worst. Smell. Ever! I have a friend that used to be a vet tech and he just did this to his dog. I cringed hearing the story.
Have a terrific day and weekend Don. :)
nonamedufus: Yeah, I thought that the two kind of went together. Not that I opposed her view on homosexuals. I opposed her view on anal glands!
Sandee: Worse than a dead body sitting in a field for three days after having it's head blown off? Shit! That must be bad...
Once, while dog sitting for a friend, I ordered a pizza with jalapenos. This little schnauzer had gotten into my pizza when I stepped away for a few minutes. The next morning I awoke to skid marks all over my friend's white carpeting. Yes, I had to clean it up so she wouldn't think I had feed her puppy pizza intentionality.
*Ack, ack, buuuuuickkkkkk*
Well, maybe you could fit this in your book "Going Rogue", Don!!! I'd be willing to bet that "other author" wouldn't put a chapter in about... you know what!!!
Me-Me King: I used to raise schnauzers. They're sweet but incredibly stupid. I hated them, but they sold...anal glands and all.
Tattoo Jim: Ya know? For a little private session with Sarah Palin, I'd be willing to work with her on a settlement.
I once had a cat who was a little sensitive in her hind area--one wrong touch on her leg and girlfriend was squirting her anal gland juice everywhere. And it STINKS to high hell! Even the cat would go nuts sniffing all over trying to figure where the stench came from and would try licking everywhere to get rid of it. Yeah, it was great.
But if I have to choose--I'll take anal gland cleaning over long trails of dog ass and poo on my carpet. I don't think there is enough cleaner in this world to get that out.
Lin: There may not be anything that will get butt skid stains out of carpet, but I sure as hell am not "expressing" anything but a gift!
Noname got to it before me, but agree about the anal glands and Anita Bryant reference appropriate. There's a larger joke there somewhere, but it's just not coming to me. I'll leave it to you to come up with an appropriate response. :)
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