The Times

"We ain't making no goddamn Cornflakes here!" - Colonel Charlie Beckwith-founder, Delta Force. Now there was a stud. That's what it's about here at BLF headquarters. No goddamn Cornflakes. No milk and certainly no fucking sugar! It is what it is...The Times!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. *removing cardigan*

If I still believed in Santa Claus, I would want another electric train. After I broke my dad's Brownie Hawkeye camera, he bought a camera for me. It was a Polaroid Big Swinger. When I got my own camera I set some of the train cars on fire and then took pictures of them burning.

I thought that the pictures looked pretty cool. I was a dork with too much free time and too many toys on my hands I suppose. I sure did get a lot of whippings as a young lad. Dad used to play baseball and had a killer swing. I think that's when I first heard the word "goddamn". Not at a baseball game, but a whipping...

It's The Times time for a timely and titillating shoutout! Shoutout! This weeks tip-'o-the-hat goes to a site I came across when I Googled "witchcraft" but mizzpelled it and typed in "woodwork" instead. Any questions so far? Good.

Essence of Woodwork is a look at not only some incredible craftsmanship, but a fascinating excuse for not having to sleep with your wife. "Sorry honey, but I must finish Miss Haven's headboard." Anyway, it is truly an incredible thing an artisan can accomplish. Amazing!

Click here, to get a glimpse of some of the finest examples of woodwork that I can remember seeing since I glued Popsicle sticks to Susie Ellison's lunch box. These things make my hand carved paper towel holder that strangely resembles a dildo pretty dull by comparison. Essence of Woodwork...go there or be square.