I practically live with a headache. It's not due to stress or fever or any of the more common causes. It's because of yelling. For those of you who don't know, my roommate is handicapped. One of the problems she has is that she is very, very hard of hearing. Here's what our first conversation of the day is like-almost every day!She [screaming]: Are you awake yet?
Me [yelling]: No! Leave me alone!
She [voice screeching]: Time to take me to work!
Me: Shut the fuck up...!
She: [yelling with a panicky voice]: I need to go!!! Hurry up!!!
Me: Shut the fuck up [mumbling!] Fucking moron.
She [in my ear]: I'm going to get in the car!
Me: Quit fucking yelling [yelling] and just go! I don't need to be told you're getting in the car you blathering idiot!
Then for the entire 22 mile commute I do not say one stinking word. The radio is on. She is too busy digging for shit in her purse, and my headache begins to subside. Suddenly, there is a crack in the silence. Then a screech the likes you cannot imagine.
She: [sounding like a bullhorn]: See you this afternoon!!!
Me: [mumbling]: Maybe you fucking moron-maybe.
...And then in the afternoon it all begins again. Breakout the cotton balls, I think I'm getting another headache.
23 comments:
You heard about the deaf fish? Yeah, seems he was hard of herring.
I'm assuming that she is not a candidate for a hearing aid?
I've had neighbors over the years that yelled at each other constantly when neither had any hearing problems. Cultural, I suppose.
I say get a new roommate. Bwahahahahaha. How in the world do you put up with that. Money? Lots of money?
Have a terrific day. Okay, try. :)
Anyone who has ever lived me for any length of time knows that you NEVER speak to me within the first hour after I wake up unless I speak first. You need a rule like that :)
nonamedufus: Hehehe...yeah, and crabby too.
David: Actually, she was prescribed two hearing aids @ $2100 ea. Claims that they never worked like she wanted so she went back to screaming.
Sandee: She makes a very good living, but no, I wouldn't say she has a lot of money. No more than me...I only see her 2-3 hours daily. That's how I put up with it.
Ann: Oh, I've tried that rule. That's exactly the way I am. Give me about two straight hours of complete silence after I awake and my day just seems to go by much smoother.
C'mon, Don, surely you're more resourceful than that. Next time you are shopping at America's store, invest 3 bucks in a pair of foam earplugs. Or, check your tool box, don't you have a pair in there? Even I had a pair when I was married to the contractor, he snored like a saws-all. Worked like a charm!
Me-Me King: I just dump her ass off at work and I'm done with her for 8 hours. It's just the first hour in the morning and the last couple at night that cause a problem.
What??? You say something Don??? Huh??? You'll have to speak up... I can't hear you very well... down here in the OBX... hehehe.... just go with the flow Don, go with the flow...
Tattoo Jim: I know those waves and the surf and wind can get a little noisy in the OBX. Loved that "noise" though. But this? I'll trade you...
I'll trade you - you take my three kids and a yappy mutt I'll take your roomy - I could do 3 hours a day so easy.
I think you should get flash cards and make them the mandatory form of communication prior to noon.
It sounds like a many a man can substitute roomate with wife
LOL.. Maybe you should suggest using sign language instead.. :P
SheilaSultani: Hell no! Why would I want to do 3 screaming peeps when one is too many? Thanks for the offer-NOT!
Buggys: Flash cards...there's a thought. How would you draw a picture of "shut the fuck up?"
Waltsense.com: You are probably correct. I was married twice. The only real difference between then and now is that then the yelling lasted all day.
Angel: I don't know how to yell at the top of my lungs using my hands.
I feel for you. I have this bongo-playing neighbor--not my roommate, obviously--and he's playing them right now. All I wanted to do was sit here and read but NO!
The headache is spreading up the back of my skull at the moment. It will overtake my whole head. It's probably from the tension of not going next door, breaking the door down and throttling the little bastard. But the choices are: live with it or move.
Does your roomie still have the hearing aids? Maybe you could Krazy glue them into her ears while she's sleeping.
Kathcom: Sounds like that moron that lived above me in an apartment complex once. I don't know where those hearing aids are. They were very expensive too.
gday don, im from australia, if it was me id be giving her the keys and and a mobile phone with her boss's number to ring if she got lost, u just need good insurance on your car an a tiket to anywhere but there...
or marry her of to your best enemy, take your pick ;-)
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