The oft maligned fruitcake has landed on my kitchen table. Two of the nutty, sticky, fruity concoctions sit high atop a mound of junk mail and store circulars. Paper weights for now...a Spam eaters delightful dessert... The foundation of a child's Christmas memories. The foundations of my next house. Whatever! Fruit Cake!How fucking many ways is there to screw up a food item? Think fruitcake. There must be a thousand different recipes for the crud, but none of them suit me. Only one modification even remotely comes close to make fruitcake enjoyable for me.
Bourbon! I don't mean some "family" recipe whereby a little of the ferment is used. I'm talking full blown fruitcake inebriation. Unlike adding a bit of whiskey to the mix before baking only to have the alcohol evaporate during cooking, I roll the finished brick in a solution of bourbon and bourbon.
Let it sit for a couple of hours and whamo! Instant fruit flavored whiskey with a hint of walnut. Mmm boy! Here's another secret if that one does not work for you. Don't waste the whiskey by saturating your fruitcake log. Drink it first and then everything will taste better...and that my friends is no shit!
18 comments:
There's a fruitcake toss held in Colorado annually where everyone brings the fruitcakes they received for Christmas, then they are catapulted into oblivion. Yippee!
I didn't get one of those disgusting fruitcakes this year. I lucked out. What a waste of resources and I agree, drink the bourbon and the heck with the fruitcake.
Have a terrific day Don. :)
We had close to 25 people for Christmas dinner. Most of them relatives on my wife's side of the family. Talk about your fruitcakes!
Me-Me King: Sounds like a good idea so long as nobody gets in the way of a hurled fruit cake.
Sandee: Actually, I didn't "get" these. My idiot roommate bought them the day after Christmas. Probably to give next year.
nonamdufus: Hahaha. I can relate! Think I'll take the bourbon/fruitcake concoction instead of the nutty relatives.
As my Appalachian American friend would say "Don't be ruining the bourbon"! You are right on with this one, Don!
Lin: I don't know much about Appalachianians, but I do know bourbon thank you...BTW are Appalachianians relatives of Lillputians?
I love the headline to this post. So true, and right to the point.
The only good thing about fruitcake is (or was) the The Fruitcake Lady.
MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings: Yes. I thought so too. Leaves little to wonder.
Miss Audrey: I should ask this question of the Fruitcake Lady: "What's the worst part of a fruitcake? Is it the hairy ass?"
Hum......send them to me. I can use them behind the wheel of the car if I have to change a tire.
I think you were drinking some fucking borbon while writing this fucking post, no shit my friend!
ReformingGeek: Great idea! Auto or airplane chocks! Guaranteed not to slip out of place either. Not with all of that sticky shit that holds them together.
Mike: Imagine how fucking brilliant I could be if I laid off the booze. Fucking outrageous!
I say drink the Bourbon, trash the fruit cake. I wouldn't feed that crap to my dogs. They probably wouldn't eat it any way, even though they eat crap.
Lauren: Dogs are even picky about the crap they eat. I once had a pup that would only eat cat shit. Very discerning taste for a little doggy.
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