Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Little Saturday Jam For Christmas Shoppers

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles]. My roommate has asked that I take her for her first trip into the realm of Christmas shopping '09. All I wanted to do was go to America's store and find out if they were still out of toilet paper. Using old newspaper for a week is a pain in the ass. Tip: The "Hispanic" foods aisle is a great place to meet potential housekeepers...

So as I drink another cup of decaffeinated coffee and finish off my second banana I am contemplating the best way to tackle the mission ahead. Shopping at the mall. As long as she buys me something I don't really care though.

So hell yes, I'll brave the thongs throngs to help my roommate. Even though I'll put a time limit on her shopping she should be happy with what she gets. I don't mind doing friends a favor, but I choose to limit my kindness so as not to be taken advantaged of...I'm insecure that way.

I hope that your day is as great as mine is shaping up to be. Mingling with smiling faces and hoping to find the perfect bitch gift for myself in the Hispanic foods aisle only serves to make this Saturday a truly beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles].

16 comments:

Sheila Sultani said...

Just sit her down in front of the computer and type in amazon.com - mission accomplished!

Why would anyone go out shopping during the month of December (unless they are completely nuts, gluttons for punishment, or a wannabe grumpy old man who likes to pretend he hates everything while spending a day with a roommate that drives him crazy in an overcrowded mall with a bunch of smelly, yellin morons)

I think I've discovered the truth - you're a nice guy. (I promise I won't tell anyone.)

Sandee said...

I'm moving to your neighborhood. It's always a beautiful day there. Bwahahahahaha. I love your twisted sense of humor.

Have a great day shopping. :)

nonamedufus said...

Man I hate shopping. Gotta get a Christmas tree today. Not looking forward to it. All those happy, smiley people asking me how I'm doing. Too bad they didn't deliver. Oh, well. (whistles)

thinkinfyou said...

I've never seen such kindness and racism put together so nicely.

Buggys said...

You're shopping for a bitch in a thong...is that what I read? Well, Fa la la la la!

Tattoo Jim said...

December + shopping + mall + Christmas music + traffic + screaming kids + long lines + possible bad weather + whatever else you want to throw in = hmmmmmm, this could end up to be interesting, Don! I'll keep an eye and ear open on the 6:00 news!! Enjoy those dark eyes Latin beauties, too!!!!

Don said...

Sheila Sultani: Because like you say, "I'm crazy?" I could use a really hot lookin' Latina to make the beds around this place.

Don said...

Sandee: Well, come on down! Why? Because it's a fucking beautiful day in my neighborhood. That's why!

Don said...

nonamedufus: Practice whistling and rolling your eyes. It's probably helped me survive a lot of misery and fights with people I can't stand.

Don said...

thinkinfyou: Aww, thanks. You are so sweet, but believe me, it's not easy being so full of charm and wit and compassion. It's just me...

Don said...

Buggys: Hell, I like your way of reading better than mine! Maybe this post was really an exercise in Freudian fantasies.

Don said...

Tattoo Jim: Well, I didn't find a future maid at Wal*Mart, but I did get some Christmas shopping done despite really bad weather. Glad it's over with for the most part.

David said...

While I hate going to a mall any time of year but especially in December - I must concede that I do love the people watching. It rivals the aeropuerto.

Don said...

David: I agree. I love to stare...er, I mean check out the other folks.

Ann said...

I shop online, if I have to go to the store I go early

Don said...

Ann: I don't use credit cards so I don't shop online. Besides, I know that merchants are anticipating my arrival...I'm in demand no matter where I may go.

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