Oral Roberts has died of pneumonia...good riddance! One of America's best known pitchmen (except for Billy "Crack" Mays) has gone to the promised land. Can I get a witness?! Amen! There's something about those Pentecostal preachers that rings of smut. Ya hear me Swaggart?! You're next!
I can remember twenty plus years ago when Roberts was begging for money in order to keep "his" medical school at Oral Robert's University from closing it's doors. He was asking for over $8 million claiming that if he didn't get it that the lord was going to take him home, or take him to a home...
Now I gotta tell ya something. If I can stand in front of thousands of people and tell them that I need a few million bucks or the lord is coming to take me away-ha, ha...and get it? Dude, I'm not going anywhere but to the bank! People actually fell for that crap too! Say Tammy Faye three times and take a deep breath.
People, people don't you get it?! Jesus H. Jim Jones! It's times like these that I wish I could have been the sole Kool-Aid vendor in Guyana. "Get your fresh, ice cold Kool-Aid! One delicious flavor. Sweet grape with a slightly bitter aftertaste. $1 a cup!"
Just shoot me please. Send me your money instead, and I will put it to good use. It will be for a good and noble cause-me! That's right...me! Hurry now! The end is near! Can I get a witness?! Amen!
2 hours ago
25 comments:
For my donation, will I receive splinters of wood from the old, rugged cross as a thank you gift?
Hallelujah, brother!
My favourite used to be Ernest Angley in the mid 70s while I was going to university. Christ it was better than SNL. With a "Deaf and dumb spirits come out" he'd whack penitents smack dab in the forehead and they'd crumble to the floor more in fright than from force of the blow and jump up healed - with no need for their crutches or wheelchairs. Good times. He still wears the same hair piece 30 years later.
Me-Me King: I'll send you one of brother Swaggart's prayer clothes. Genuine polyester...
nonamedufus: Never heard of Ernest. I'll have to check him out though. He sounds like a hoot!
They are all entertainers that use the Lord to get what they want. You've captured most of them in this post. Don't even get me started on that Ho-monger Swaggart.
Give me your address and I'll send you a few bucks. At least you're honest about the money. Have a terrific day. :)
Sandee: Thank you madam commodore for the endorsement. I hate Swaggart more than brother Roberts, but you have to begin somewhere.
Google Rev. Ike - I think you might like him - he was no "pie in the sky" preacher!
"Oral" Roberts... Jimmy "Swaggart"... "Ernest" Angley... you just gotta love those names! You've gotta come up with one of your own, Don!!! Why then, the mindless masses would come out of the woodwork, begging you to take their money for a guaranteed trip to the promised land... with salvation forever and ever, AMEN!!!!! Times a wastin' Don! Brew up some of "Raiders Grape Kool-Aid" and fast! Just make sure you've got your IRS tax exempt status in place first... no sense in giving the Obamassiah any of your "donations"....
When you start making that Kool aide just make sure that people slip you the buck under the table. There's a sucker born every day and I bet plenty of them are thirsty
Grace: I've seen Rev. Ike on You Tube. He is hilarious, and yes, I do enjoy watching him.
Tattoo Jim: That's a good idea. I'll start a for profit non-profit organization like ACORN-
Ann: Oh, I'll take the buck any way I can. Better yet I'll wait until they all die and take everything they have/had. Kinda like Oral R. did.
Kool Aid's on sale: 5/$1.00 and I've got lots of glasses. Just give me an address.
Deb: That's what I'm talking about. A volunteer! We can test out the drink on some of the neighborhood kids around here.
Someone told me he once claimed to have raised a child from the dead.
Heh.
I think it was a euphemism for.. oh nevermind.
(ps - will you re-add me to your blogroll thingy using offendedblogger.com ? it isn't updating properly since i moved to WP. Gracias!)
The Offended Blogger: Actually, the claim was that he raised several people from the dead. He claimed to have done that as well. He was a road house preacher then.
Yeah, I'll make the change to your url...
I don't think there will be much of a void, after all, we have Al Gore now. He just uses the earth instead of the Lord. Same deal.
Coincidence that we're both talking about blasphemy today?
Probably not.
Father?
Buggys: You got that right. Gore is just like Swaggert and Jim Bakker. What a con!
Moooooo35: Hmm, that's a little scary! Fuck that...I'm off to chapel.
nonamedufus is right. Ernest Ansley was priceless. His handlers were lugging the repentent and hopeful up on stage, walking, crutches, canes and wheelchairs - all of it. He would bang them in the forehead with the heel of his hand and scream "BE HEALED". He would often knock them unconscious so they would have to be dragged back on stage when they recovered. As I recall, he also had the put-your-hands-on-the-TV-screen to be healed scam underway.
Sadly, he was unable to get his hand to his own forehead when he had a heart-attack or whatever it was that took him to his reward.
David: Damn, I'm sorry I wasn't familiar with that guy. I'm not sure that we got his show down here. Our biggies here were Swaggart, Roberts, Jim and Tammy Faye...there are a few more, but not anyone nearly as sleezy as that bunch.
We had a couple here in Texas think that God sent them a message through their chicken's deformed egg. Apparently, it looked like a cross.
I'm sure they would buy your Kool-Aid.
ReformingGeek: Oh brother! Can you believe people are soooo "lost" that they see anything as a sign for salvation? Morons!
What's with the Oral fixation, Don? Mama cut you off too soon?
Post a Comment