I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning. I go outside to get the newspaper. It's raining. The paper is soaked and apparently the garbage truck made an early run judging by the tread marks across Obama's face. My empty garbage can is blown across the yard and squarely into my ankle.After dragging myself to the safety of my den, I get up and promptly slip and fall on the wet floor. Finally, managing to stumble into the kitchen for a cup of Joe, I find there are no clean coffee cups. I dig a dirty one out of the dishwasher. I'm beginning to feel normal again...first cup of coffee is only minutes away.
I take a long whiff of the fresh brew before tasting it. Then I slowly raise it to my lips. After a long, savory, almost seductive sip...I fucking gag! I was drinking from the same cup I used to measure fish broth in the night before. Foldger's and fucking flounder to not mix!
All of this before noon. Holy fucking Ramadan. What's a guy to do?! I just checked the weather forecast and it looks like we are in for more rain today. I'm going back to bed where it's safe! I will guarantee you that the sound of the dishwasher will be "playing" in the background too.
Just one cup of hot Joe, God. Just one cup...
Note: This post was sanctioned by the Pissy Whiners Club of America.
21 comments:
You know that jingle that goes: The best part of waking up is Folger's in my cup? What kind life would a person like that lead?
Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Bwahahahahahaha. You are a piece of work Don. You truly are. Bwahahahahahahaha.
I hope your day gets better. :)
What? They still print newspapers?
Go back to bed and start all over!
Doctor Faustroll: Trust me when I say that me and Juan Valdez have both seen our better days.
Sandee: Thanks. Saying I'm a piece of work feels far better than the piece of shit I actually felt like.
Me-Me King: Yep. We still get a printed paper delivered (sometimes in the street) daily. Mon-Sun.
You're in a bad way my friend. But it's an interesting way of reminding yourself to run the dishwasher! Blech.
Not a good sign when your day starts off that bad. But on the bright side, it was very entertaining for those of us who stop by :)
Fish broth? Yuck! Hey, be glad you have rain instead of snow down there sunshine.
Look on the bright side - you're actually able to remember the bad things that happen to you. In a few more years . . . . .
"holy fucking Ramadan" WTF? Where did you pull that one out of?
nonamedufus: What a crappy start to an an otherwise good week. Oh, and the dishes are clean and put away.
Ann: Yes. It was kind of funny later today when I saw a young girl bounce her car into a tree and a parked car too. In fact, I forgot about my slow morning.
Buggys: Oh, we're glad it's rain instead of snow. I have family just south of D.C. and they've been hammered with snow. Getting it again today I understand. They hate snow, but love Virginia too much to leave.
Sheila Sultana: Can't wait to see if that stuff happens to me in about 20 years. I may not be able to read a paper or my coffee is brought to me in my convalescent home.
Sultani: "Holy fucking Ramadan" is an ancient Christian, Mississippi way of saying, "It's better than sheep."
Your coffee doesn't sound that bad compared to my first cup of joe. I ran out of coffee and was forced to use the back up stuff from last summer. Old cheap coffee sucks.
Jen: Coffee that old taste just like cardboard. You're right. Fish flavored Foldger's is where it's at...
Could be worse, Don... actually, that part about "fish broth"... nah, it ain't gonna get much worse than that... let the dishwasher run, grab another hour or two of sack time, and then, give it another try... or better yet, like grandpa used to say, "put if off till tomorrow, you've made enough mistakes for today"... grandpa was a wise man!
I think we've all had days like this, and they suck. Suck bad. Sorry. And I hope you got your coffee, finally.
Fish broth?
You have some weird fetishes, my friend.
My best friend is named Joe. Whenever someone refers to coffee as a cup of Joe, I gag.
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